From One Caregiver to Another

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the difference between emotional walls and boundaries, why it matters, and why you might need both at some point in your life and relationships. Read the full transcript of show at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode43/ . For more information about Kay’s next webinar on boundaries or Human Giver Syndrome, or to find the new “From One Caregiver to Another” Facebo...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about her lifetime of memories of pretending to be OK so that the people around her wouldn’t have to worry about her. And she talks about how to stop pretending and develop compassion for yourself - so that you can dare to live your own life instead. Link to full transcript of show here ( FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode42 ). For more information about Kay’s webina...

Daring to live your own life sounds great, right? But what exactly does that look like? In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what could be possible for you - even things like saying “no.” And once you believe in these possibilities, you can begin to really truly dare to live your own life. Even when you are a person with caregiver responsibilities. Read the full show transcript here: https://...

Have you ever heard, “You can’t hurt somebody else’s feelings” and then did a double-take? Because there’s no way that could possibly be true, right? In this episode, Kay Coughlin explains why it really is true and how this knowledge can help you get free from worrying about hurting another person's feelings. Full transcript available here . Join Kay's free community to learn about boundaries at F...

When you’re a caregiver, it can be really hard to remember that you’ve got a life of your own, too. But how do you learn what you really want and figure out a way to dare to live it? Kay Coughlin knows it is possible for anyone to do because she uses a 3-step process in her own life and with her clients. It works, even for caregivers, and that’s what you’ll hear about in this episode. Full transcr...

What the heck is emotional safety and why is it so important? In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about it and how she creates it. One amazing benefit you can expect over time is that you will actually be able to practice it in your own everyday life. And that means you’ll be able to do things that are important to you, no matter how difficult they are. Full transcript can be found here . Download...

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, this episode is meant to help you understand the difference between therapy and coaching. Kay Coughlin talks about when the difference matters, and when should you ask for help. Full transcript of episode available here . Information about Kay's professional association, the International Coach Federation, is here . Download the "7 Costly Habits of Human...

Our brains act like jerks about change! But why is that? Listen to this “explainer” episode to help those of us who aren’t neuroscientists understand what’s going on in our heads when we are faced with the idea of changing anything. And why we can get so exhausted when we do confront change. Full transcript of episode available here . Download Kay Coughlin's "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrom...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what she calls the “Human Giver System,” which is the system that relies on countless unpaid human caregivers to sacrifice everything for the sake of the system itself. Kay talks about how her family’s wishes during her father’s last days of life went against a hospital’s Human Giver System, and how to notice the toxic glue that holds the System together....

In this episode, Kay Coughlin explores two truths about change and growth: that it can happen at any age, and that you only have control over the change and growth of one person, and that’s you. You can’t force anybody to change (including your care receiver), but you do have the power within you to change yourself. Even when you are a caregiver. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register...

Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro when it comes to boundaries, it’s easy to believe that boundaries are great in every situation...except maybe not when you are a parent or caregiver. Because when the lives of your care receivers are at stake, you’re going to have to meet everybody’s needs no matter what it costs you. Right? Well, not so fast. Listen to this episode to get an overview of...

Why in the world is it so hard to let people help us? Rejecting help when people offer it is a habit that drains us of precious energy, time, sleep and so many other critical things. In this episode, Kay Coughlin reveals some common reasons we struggle with this, talks about how to heal from it so we can be mentally and physically healthy, and admits how difficult this work has been for her. Full...

Human Giver Syndrome is the belief that some people (the givers) are supposed to exist mainly to put their energy into creating comfort and success for other people, and to be attractive and available, physically and emotionally, at all times while doing it. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how this syndrome can afflict you as a family caregiver (including if you are a parent), whether or...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how to feel better as a family caregiver right away. It might surprise you, because it doesn’t require a lot of time or energy, and it doesn’t rely on making any changes to your life or your situation. You don’t even have to tell anybody that you are doing it. All you need is courage and a little bit of knowledge. It’s not easy to do, but it is a simple st...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about another radical idea: that it’s OK for caregivers to have identities and lives that don’t revolve around our role as caregivers. Kay explains that it’s normal and healthy to have individual needs and desires - and why it can be so hard to do that it seems laughable or even impossible. But it is possible to be seen for who we are, even if it’s not related a...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about why the overwhelming experience of being a caregiver can keep you stuck, unable to make changes to situations, relationships, beliefs and emotions. The good news is that you don’t have to change everything all at once. You can choose just one starting point. Kay reminds us we all have permission to be stuck - it’s a totally normal human condition - and hel...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about judgment in the life of a family caregiver. It is very painful to be judged by others, and even to handle the the judgment that comes from within yourself. But it is possible to live a life where judgment doesn’t hold you back any more - yes, even as a caregiver. The full transcript of this episode can be found at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode27 . Follow K...

There are powerful stereotypes that family caregivers inherit when we agree to become caregivers. We don’t realize how strong they are until our lives become something we didn’t ask for. And then we wake up one day and don't recognize ourselves any more. In this episode, Kay Coughlin names some of the biggest caregiving stereotypes that she has identified. Why? Well, she wishes somebody would have...

In this last episode of the season, Kay Coughlin talks about her wish for all caregivers: that we would know and believe that we can write our own story. We don't have to accept the definition of being a "good" caregiver that somebody else chose for us. This season was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who feel trapped by the traditional definition of being a caregiver. If you w...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it looks like to have a possibility mindset and cultivate persistence, patience and peace. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into thte traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January202...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the idea that it's wrong to be selfish and want self-care. Even caregivers are allowed to believe in having self-care. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to Facilitator...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the conventional idea that we are "behind." What if that's just a thing we say, and what if it's in the way of seeing possibilities? This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the harmful myth of believing you - or any human - is too old to learn and grow. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional definition of being a "good" caregivers. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign...

In this episode, Kay Coughlin gives a list of 15 very short and meaningful things you can say, any time you need encouragement. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 an...

In this eposide, Kay Coughlin takes some of the fear out of having "issues." All humans have them, and what if learning to notice them can be a powerful tool to help you live the life you really want to live? This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you...