TICK TOCK ROCK

They called her La Pucelle The maiden of steel Joan of arc who saved France from the hundred years war with the English but as usual her own French nobels through tricks and treachery sold her back to the English after she'd won back France they charged her with cross dressing and heresy she was burned at the stake three times till her bones turned to dust but her legend never did rust. In 1909 at...

A song about an artist girlfriend and her crazy cultural crew, their works of art or gestation periods of genius seem to carry similar traits and time scales to those of real pregnancies

The blues bar girls where the Amazonian hell raisers we called them the Sisters of Satan, all in black leather they drank from dawn till dusk fuelled on speed an cocaine they'd come in singing and swinging , heaven help the men who fell in love they'd use an abuse ya then leave ya heart bitten raw like a old dogs chew bar.

a short song I wrote and sang this morning , its about being under the total command of a fat controller

An English king's breakfast could consist of swine flesh, embryos , fungi ,congealed blood , kippers, herring's, pike , roach various birds venison, cockles , pilchards .  when thinking about the Buddhist belief of reincarnation wouldn't it be a devine justice if these gargantuan gluttonous came back as screaming red faced tomatoes in a vegan salad .

The little amusing sketch I wrote about a dinner party listening to the girls talking about their men servants

A short sketch I wrote and recorded this morning, it's about my milky white male friends who are quite terrified of their wives , our Saturday quiz is usually when we men huddle together and bitch about them and the street, still were quite fearful of these power crazy wives who all have top jobs and jack boots.

A short story loosely based upon my parents contempt for each other even after their divorce, one being a bombastic BBC with the soul of queen Boudicca and the other a drink dependant dipsomaniac .

A little musing for my friend's daughter who yesterday arrived for lunch at a fancy restaurant then stormed out half way through her beetroot salad eyes flashing blue lighting an doors thunder clapping behind her , another typhoon in a tea cup

The song written for a friend called James who started cross dressing in his late 40s which to some may seem crazy at such a late stage of life but ultimately it was a very brave statement to make and now his soul and sentience seem to found their symbiotic status quo.

A song written about my rolly Polly fat flat mate who lost a massive amount of weight becoming ever so serious and slim , I on the other hand have taken his place becoming fat and happy obviously morphing to the company I've kept .

The big bang is a short story I wrote about the wine soiree that took place in a very milky middle class District of Harrogate , with a soon tobe sommelier and a selection of Christian friends who once they'd had sufficient drink began to diverge towards their deviants that really they should have left caged in their craniums .

A short song written for my god daughter lily was just becoming a teen and like myself her parents seemed to be going through a little bit of hell and high water of a midlife crisis it all feels very unnerving.

A short song about the mixing of different bloods in America with the pioneers and the native Indians and what a terrifically strong tribe of people they produced , one Indian chief whose mother was a white pioneer Cynthia Ann Parkers was especially feared as a Comanche chief due to his incredible toughness and savagery which by all accounts came from his mother.

A eulogy/song for Grandfathers they're like old sentinels that stand  guard over us in our early infant years , stolid as grandfather clocks their old heavy hearts pendulum the rhythm of life into our new born ears a mortal metronome that keeps a steady beat to the timpani of our tiny pattering feet.

A song for Big Manchester Pete, the hardest-looking man you'd ever meet, though his face may seem like it was made for a trick or treat, inside he had a big old heart that was as soft as a boiled sugar beet.

A song for a love honey we called Ann Summers due to her working there, she asked me for a birthday card poem and caused me a writer's block which when I tried to explain she cursed me a look of pure disdain , so I wrote this along the lines of a frigid flustering fool that she'd doubtless be serving at the Ann summers shop. Katie looks at all men with indifference and always takes fun from them ,...

The macabre story about a great grandmother who's ashes were made into a bone china plate by her broken hearted lover the practice of using powdered human bone in pottery still continues to this day with artists such as Crow and Kraft who call it crafting Cremains

A song for a love honey we called Ann Summers due to her working there, she asked me for a birthday card poem and caused me a writer's block which when I tried to explain she cursed me a look of pure disdain , so I wrote this along the lines of a frigid flustering fool that she'd doubtless be serving at the Ann summers shop. Katie looks at all men with indifference and always takes fun from them ,...

A song about two tramps in cider park harrogate with a little dog she's an up market girl from Harrogate ladies collage who's fallen from grace he's just a Bowery bum the lady and the tramp the reason I mentioned the red rubber stamp is because that's what you're usually given by every government department and then of cause when they find you dead frozen to the ground a THE BIG RED RUBBER STAMP (...

The boys in blue they watch over me and you it takes a person strong and true to risk their life in order to protect someone they never knew.

The birds and bees have joined us from the flowers and trees you find them at Macdonald's an champagne bars lapping up our left over cream teas they'll hardly be floaty lite on the breeze after feasting on our fat fantastic sleaze.

A short song for Todd's forth birthday his name means the fox although the only thing I've seen him foraging for are lollipops from the chocolate box.

Growing up in a witches coven with all of them casting spells over everything and everyone I couldn't understand the horoscope stars then or now , they were always fighting for the Sorceresses supremacy Mystic Meg was of their best loved astro-donnas. 

A song about looking at my Godson watching the Lion king I cast myself back to childhood where I first saw a pathetic lion used as a guard dog in a scrap yard chained toothless clawless and castrated never should these beautiful beast be caged into torment and cruelty for our amusement we should leave them to roam wild and free on their sub-saharan Savannah