So Very Wrong About Games

Wheel, snipe, celly boys. Crushin' sandos. Superstar power poses? Pfft. I could run a clinic on this, boys. The flow, and the snow. That's it, tarps off boys! You looking for a tilly, buddy? It's time for a donnybrook! Ferda. Games Played Last Week:01:17 -Crystal Palace (Carsten Lauber, Feuerland Spiele, 2019)08:21 -Schotten Totten 2 (Reiner Knizia, IELLO, 2020)11:04 -Blackout: Hong Kong (Alexande...

So. Many. Games. Could two humans play so many games in a mere week? Well, certainly no humans that aren't preternaturally devoted to their dear listeners. But we are devoted, and your mere idlest of wishes is our most sacrosanct of commands; and so, brutal though taskmasters that you are, you bid us play so. Many. Games.01:19 AYURIS: Asgard's Chosen (Morgan Dontanville, Mayfair Games, 2013)Games...

One portentious day, Uwe Rosenberg will design a worker-placement game where polyomino sheep breed by being sown into fields that are also special power cards, and the Great Cycle will be complete. No one knows what happens then, and quite frankly we are too afraid to ask. Games Played Last Week:01:33 -Anachrony: Fractures of Time (Richard Amann, Viktor Peter, Dávid Turczi, & Mindclash Games, 2020...

"My defense, Your Honour, was that I was specifically mandated by the rulebook issued by M. Xavier Georges and Quined Games to violate the lockdown restrictions issued by the Province of Ontario. I would put to you that it is unjust for the government to force me to choose between public heath measures backed by civil sanction on the one hand, and being a dirty dirty cheater on the other. Why are...

Board Game Arena gets more and more of our gaming time, what with its snappy interface and minimal system requirements. The sound effects, though, are controversial. The community seems divided on whether the whooshes are pleasing or distracting, and whether the knock-knock-knock sound is charming or nerve-wracking. We have heard the noise accused of being evocative of imminent swatting, which see...

If you've been following board games social media recently, you might have noticed that it's been a rough couple of weeks. Incidents like these, albeit difficult, allow us a chance to define our community and underscore our values. Silence can imply consent. We can either choose to silently defend powerful figures use their influence to harm vulnerable people without consequence, or we can choose...

Too much news! So much news, in fact, that we had to cut some news. Some news, though news-y, will keep until next week. The key is to wrap the roots of the news in damp paper towel, put the news in a plastic bag, and put the bag in the fridge. The news will keep up to a couple weeks that way, whereas it would have become limp news on the counter in as little as a day. Games Played Last Week:01:11...

In honour of our big, blowout, end-of-year extravaganza spectacular, no expense was spared. Mark put on pants. Walker wore his t-shirt with the fewest holes. The sheep freshly sheared. The palanquin carriers were freshly oiled. Come, thrill to the summary of what was actually a very good year in terms of boardgame releases. Games Played Last Week:02:16 -Guardians (Callin Flores, Plaid Hat Games, 2...

All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious episode of SVWAG! A day with So Very Wrong About Games is like a day on the farm. Every word's a banquet! Every sentence a fortune! Every review a soliloquy! I love SVWAG!Games Played Last Week:01:40 -Aristeia!: Prime Time (Alberto Abal, Jesús Fuster, & David Rosillo, Corvus Belli, 2020)05:05 -Vengeance: Director’...

"I hit you!" "Nuh-uh, you missed!" "I totally hit you!" "I dodged it!" "I have special homing missiles you can't dodge!" "I have a shield that redirects all your shots back to you!" "I have an invincibility field!" "I can shoot through invincibility!" At this point, Games Workshop would have us roll off, with the person rolling higher getting the title of Most Obnoxious Person.01:49 AYURIS: Cthulh...

Mark has occasion to quote three different movies in this episode, and miraculously none of them are Pulp Fiction, The Lion in Winter, or even Aliens--despite the latter being related to a game discussed! Perhaps his echolalia is abating, or perhaps merely evolving. One should, after all, take every advantage to quote the well-spoken Ayatollah of Rock-and-Rolla. Games Played Last Week:01:19 -Pax R...

One is reminded of those memes that plot definitions on two axes, asking to what degree the reader is a purist or a rebel--the setting purist and the mechanical purist would say "Descent is a dungeon crawler." Perhaps the setting purist and mechanical rebel would say "Dungeon Lords is a dungeon crawler." Invariably these memes revel in the reductio ad absurdum, so I have to imagine the setting reb...

It is the nature of the Walker who cries wolf that if he repeats the claim often and consistently enough, it might come true eventually. Despite the unrelenting constancy of Chinese New Year, some games do actually get produced--just only after they have emerged from their purgatorial delay in the never-ending holiday. So it is with Tidal Blades; after claims of "any day now" for years, it finally...

Clearly the hosts secretly wanted to have a movie podcast, or perhaps just a podcast devoted to the movie Aliens. To their credit, they at least did not devolve into merely parroting quotes from the film, which is a behaviour as obnoxious and it is difficult to avoid. Rest assured they offered their poor paraphrases and hackneyed delivery while actually playing the Aliens game. It was a bad call,...

We have an unwritten constitution here at SVWAG, which we know causes some people from jurisdictions with written constitutions to get a little mystified and/or twitchy. Trust us, it works! We get to claim a rich constitutional history all the way back to 1215 and the Magna Carta, or at least we will, once we figure out what King John had to do with podcasting. It's the kind of arrangement that wo...

It's the daylight savings, it's got to be. You give us an extra hour in the week--through the magic of time travel--and we'll take it to play eleventy new games. The geniuses (Canadians, for what it's worth) who invented standard time probably didn't take into account the havoc it might wreak on our podcasting. So many new games! Not enough time for the topic! We will endure.01:08 AYURIS: Calimala...

The unofficial motto of SVWAG has always been, "stop trying to make fetch happen." Similarly, you can't just make up words out of thin air--it's not like they're holidays or anything that can be conjured ex nihilo (Happy Arkhipov Day!). What's an Arnak, anyway? Can you lose ruins of something that never existed? I suppose a fantasy is a good pretext to give us an arm's length distance from generat...

In honour of Arkhipov Day (October 27th--he saved your life or that of your forebears, he deserves a day), we turn to reflections of how games model war. Even themeless euros often include war as a convenient backdrop for the processing of cubes, so it is hardly restricted to one genre of gaming or another. That said, gaming is not unique--pretty much any medium can boast of a plethora of war narr...

I never knew a kid who had any kind of fort. In grade school I heard of a kid who could form Voltron, but that may have been an extravagant lie. My mom's friend's kids had a Sega Genesis, and that was pretty rad. I keep acquiring more games in the vain hope that it will make me popular, but it hasn't worked yet. Maybe one or two more Street Masters expansions will do the trick. I am told to be pop...

The mere framing of a question can subtly or overtly determine the answer. There's an old joke about a monk who asks his superior, "Can I smoke while I meditate?" He is told no, as that would be sullying an act that is meant to be free from worldly concerns. The clever monk decides instead to ask another superior, "While I smoke, can I meditate?" So it is with boardgames! Framing can have tremendo...

Social standards of behaviour are often subtle and variable, but we can all agree that children are often blind to their subtle nuances. Like, don't be a massive jerk--that's one of those tricky nuances that often escape the notice of your average child, what with many of them being borderline sociopaths kept in check only by their relative powerlessness and incompetence. Then again, perhaps Mark...

Hwaet! The second installment of our much-ignored segment, SVWAG Poetry Corner, takes a turn for the epic. First we did haiku, and now we discuss Old English epic poetry. Sure the noble limerick can't be far behind? We also discuss the most excellent lifestyle habits of our new idol, Kane Tanaka, who seems to be living her best life on her own terms. You go, Kane Tanaka! Rip off some monster's arm...

Our cup runneth over, if the cup in question is being filled by tiles laid there by Reiner Knizia. Three Knizia tile-laying games were sampled by SVWAG, which of course made it a good week. One feels that if someone proposed a topic of "Reiner Knizia tile-laying games", the appropriate editorial response would be "narrow the scope, please." Games Played Last Week:01:12 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth...

In remembrance of things past, we bite hard into the madeleine that is large player count gaming. The recollection of not being sequestered into small basements, where... actually, scratch that, we were often in basements in the Before Times. At least I think so. Time is now an illusion.01:57 AYURIS: A Feast for Odin: The Norwegians (Gernot Köpke & Uwe Rosenberg, Feuerland Spiele, 2018)Games Playe...

"Cosmic Frog: World Eaters from Dimension Zero--A Game of Strategic Gluttony." I mean, what could I or anyone else possibly say that could add to that? Games Played Last Week:01:46 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth (R. Eric Reuss, Greater Than Games, 2020)03:34 -Shards of Infinity: Shadow of Salvation (Justin Gary & Ryan Sutherland, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2019)07:19 -Castle Itter (David Thompson, D...