No Crying In Baseball

In which we pin down math around catching foul balls , our medical thoughts of pregnancy vs belly button rings (congrats to Cole Tucker and Vanessa Hudgens BTW), and our astute observation that betting with an illegal bookie is illegal whether it’s on baseball or not. It’s in the name. Elly continues to exceed expectations, Vaughn does not but maybe if he eats a sandwich things will kick in. Alan...

Welcome to West Coast Corresponded Deborah, filling in for Patti who is off celebrating our intern’s graduation. Deborah’s bfs are making up for lack of bats with all the steals. Elly continues to climb the all time steal boards, and Zack Short becomes Zack Short Stay. Willson Contreras ’ injury leads to some choices about how to avoid catcher interference dangers – robo umps? Catcher’s box? How ‘...

It’s the Cinco de Mayo episode where the limes are organic and the salt is Kosher. Pottymouth’s Vaughn Grissom watch is rewarded, Luis lights it up, and Maysin makes her roster. For Patti, John Means business and Jack Suwinski can sure time a hit. Josés are in trouble and just when you think he can’t achieve any more firsts, Judge gets ejected. Did you see that Luis Arráez trade coming? We sure di...

As we lament the boyfriends we did not select for our fantasy teams, we observe Passover with mezcal. Should we have gone with Logan O’Hoppe and Joey Ortiz ? Solid maybe. Mike Tauchman and the oppo Tauchos? Unrelated to the Mexico series tacos, of course. Patti’s guys Zach , Will, and Evan are crushing the multi-hit games, and Pottymouth favorite Elly is on track for a ridiculous number of stolen...

Kenley Jansen and Craig Kimbrel are climbing to the top of the all time saves list so the takeaway is don’t yeet the ball from the last out. Looking at you, Colton “more cowbell” Cowser. Andrew hits homer #300, Adley hits grand slam #1, and Josh hits his head. On purpose. Neto can’t get a day off, Oswaldo can but Pottymouth says please don’t – or maybe yes?  Elly remains good at baseball, and Patr...

Our first visit to OPACY this season was an anticipated debut, a miracle of (not)rain, and a much heralded yet underwhelming Jackson vs Jackson smackdown. And lots of attention to the number seven . Elly has us considering a road trip to CIN, and Vaughn makes us think Worcester is nice this time of year. Zach has six runs to his credit in only one game, but the wrong direction. Spencer is down for...

We workshop the LMB acronym to account for the Mexican League signing players of questionable character. We aren’t just yanking Verdugo’s chain , we are teaching you valuable vocabulary in multiple languages. We review your four options when you catch a home run ball during a game, starting with It Belongs To You. A little over a week in and our guys with slow starts are getting the bats in gear....

Welcome to Season 8 of No Crying in Baseball! Join us as we laugh, fight, make (probably) terrible predictions, and drink beer from the North (and the northeast). Pottymouth is team Jeff , and Patti is team Rhys and everything gets back to Dustin and Manny. We talk Opening Day – Did Patti write the talking points for the new Os ownership ? She’s definitely shopping for a Maryland Tough Baltimore S...

As we head to Opening Day, we bring you our fantasy lineups, walk you through the whole Ohtani kerfuffle , and Optimist Patti enjoys her new nickname. Blake Snell finds a team at last, while Francisco Lindor and Edwin Diaz make a video showing their love for Puerto Rico. Optimist Patti makes a pro/con list for Peter Angelos . There are no winners. Our Police Blotter, in addition to a primer on MLB...

In a weakened moment of falling for Pottymouth logic, Patti agrees to a change in our fantasy team rules and we select pitchers from two teams instead of just one. Pottymouth shares her picks from the Mariners and Phillies , and Patti goes Dodgers / Orioles . We don’t think Josh Winckowski ’s excuse will get you out of jury duty but it worked for him, sort of. What’s a “ brace procedure ” and why...

In our last week of profiling position players, or “ Adley Day ” in Patti’s world, we pick our guys from the Os and ATL. For BAL, Ryan O’Hearn gets the Pottymouth nod with an extra point for Bull Durham, while Patti sticks with her once and forever catcher. For The Hammers, Patti picks spring training standout Eli White and Pottymouth corrects a wrong while selecting Orlando Arcia . Joey finds a h...

Kiké and Tony Clark dance around the idea of collusion, and let Fanatics take the lead on talking about pants. Robinson Canó heads to Mexico, Matt heads back to the Bay, and Brandon does what needs to be done. For Tampa Bay, Pottymouth completes her Lowe brothers set and Patti remembers the fun of the WBC and picks Paredes . Over at the Dodgers, Pottymouth goes with the flow and selects James Outm...

Nothing like an Adley HR against BOS the first day of spring training to spike co-host conflict, er, cause  us to demonstrate how one should behave in civil society. Patti’s vocabulary lesson is “pillow contract” in the context of Belli and Tim . Hosmer retires leaving behind a range of feels. Tim Mayza’s fantasy league punishment may send our FBBL all sorts of questionable ways. It’s always a cha...

Spring training has begun, there are still key free agents out there, there’s some arbitration scorekeeping to do, and will it take all five years to get some women on the short list for the next commissioner of baseball? This week we talk boyfriends on the World Series champion Rangers – Jonah Heim for Pottymouth and Patti’s early claim on Evan Carter is confirmed. Over at the Phils, Pottymouth v...

The Royals lock down Bobby Witt, Jr . for 11 years, and HOU says yes to Jose Altuve for another five. The arbitration scoreboard is currently tipped in the players’ direction at the halfway point, including a record-setting win for Vladdy. We wish Corey Kluber all the best in his retirement, Patti with much happier memories than those of Pottymouth. This week we look at Toronto, where Pottymouth s...

Patti is practically giddy with new ownership and a new Ace for the Os. Our new guys for Seattle are actually the newest guys for Seattle, Jorge Polanco and Samad Taylor . For Miami, Pottymouth selects Vidal Bruján and Patti makes it two consecutive De La Cruz weeks with her pick of Bryan. We cross train hard with hockey, from our cask-beer fueled hockey shoot out, to Joey Votto menacing mascots,...

Not sure if it is our pride or our ages talking but we’ve reached the point where active players we’ve profiled on the show are now Hall of Famers. Congrats to Joe Mauer and Adrian Beltre , and also to Todd Helton even if he was before our (NCiB) time. The hot stove takes Philly favorite Rhys Hoskins to MIL, and brings Cookie Carrasco home to CLE. Joc Pederson tries out yet another NL West team, a...

Snow days are fun but they do not keep us from thinking about the boys of summer. It’s always tricky for us to pick our NYY bfs because of, well, general vitriol. But we persevere and end up disliking the team a little less. Pottymouth wants the team to give Oswaldo Cabrera a real shot, and Patti can’t help appreciating the deep fandom in Anthony Volpe’s family. For the Reds, Pottymouth goes for t...

Supersized weekend, supersized episode! Who do we want to have a beer with this week? Pottymouth plays her once and forever card and hangs on to Vaughn Grissom , now that he’s with the Red Sox.  Patti selects Harper superfan Masataka Yoshida and his little dog too. For the Padres, Pottymouth gets to say Anzoátegui in reference to José Azócar and Patti picks home run trick shot hitter Matthew Batte...

Character counts, making Bs more valued than As in Oakland. Elsewhere in the Police Blotter the Wander Franco story is growing into a flat out horror show.  In a much happier place, we profile guys from the Tigers and Giants.  For DET, Pottymouth selects Heart and Hustle nominee Matt Vielring and Patti goes for his almost twin Gold Glove finalist Zach McKinstry . For San Francisco, it’s the Grands...

We kick off our own New Years Rockin’ Eve with boyfriends from the Guardians and Pirates. Pottymouth goes hopeful with CLE prospect Kyle Manzardo , and Patti selects Will Brennan , Tito’s pal from way back. For PIT, Liover Peguero plays right into  Pottymouth’s  English teacher heart while Patti looks to  her roots with Jack Suwinski . The Red Sox bring on Giolito and trade away Sale and Pottymout...

The Dodgers claim Yamamoto and Patti claims Dodgers pitching for FBBL, just that fast. Just when we thought Verdugo could not sink any lower, he goes after his former manager for holding him accountable for his actions, and forces us to agree, a little, with Papelbon . This week’s boyfriends represent LAA and NYM. Pottymouth selects LAA catcher Logan O’Hoppe , not just because it is fun to say his...

Ashley Kelly is the real hero of the Shohei Ohtani deal but we break it down anyway because it lets Patti do math and reference the Disney Prince, Betts, Freeman, and Yamamoto, but not the dog. Pottymouth leans into the CWS history with Cuban player and selects Oscar Colás Leon , while Patti picks brand new teammate and exceptional dad, veteran catcher Max Stassi. Our STL bfs include  Pottymouth’s...

Just when you thought the Soto trade was going to be the news of the week, Ohtani signed with LAD , pushing contract numbers so far into Monopoly money they may never come back. The rest of the league was busy playing “where’s Evan,” bringing Fedde back from the KBO, and moving around more Nicks. In our second week of profiling boyfriends, we look at the Royals and our hometown Nationals. Pottymou...

Boyfriend season begins with Pottymouth checking in after an afternoon of visiting breweries in Tennessee (be warned). We lead off with Oakland and Colorado – Pottymouth choosing a pair of Diaz-es (what’s the plural of Diaz?), Jordan and Elias , and Patti selecting yet another Nick and also Nolan 2.0 . Awards continue to trickle in, including a team philanthropic award to the Reds for an impressiv...