Fully Functional Parents

Best Soundtrack Ever! and FFP is Now Sponsored by Hormel Chili! 05.05.2025 11:26 ↓

Buy it at Wegmans! It’s dog meat free! And sort your receipts please!!

The Archives! Teenage Body Chess! And Chicago, WHY Is It So Hard to Say You’re Sorry?! 03.05.2025 15:28 ↓

An oldie but a goodie about our teenage bodies and my ex boyfriend’s love of Chicago!!

Can You Handle It?! (Cleaning up after your dog!) And A Bra Fitting! 02.05.2025 15:16 ↓

Are you a whiny baby about poop? And I’m wearing real bras now!!

Where DO Birds Go At Night? 01.05.2025 13:46 ↓

And my dad is Ted Danson?!

God Forbid David Apologizes to Me!! 30.04.2025 11:15 ↓

But he’ll apologize to the Minecraft movie?! And pig masks!!

Dancing Well at Weddings! 29.04.2025 15:23 ↓

Another business opportunity for FFP!

Prom Planning! And Architectural Plans to Accommodate Stinky People! 28.04.2025 13:59 ↓

My secret past! And a confession from Davey! Oh, and bums at the library!

The Archives! Everyone Has Anxiety About Something! and Velcro Rocks!! 26.04.2025 14:11 ↓

Button fly forever!!

A Good Corporate Bullsh$&t Week! 25.04.2025 17:41 ↓

And I cry and David doesn’t !!

It’s the Circle of Life! 23.04.2025 14:01 ↓

And I sideswiped a car today! And reluctantly left a note!

Danny and Arnold! Twins!! 22.04.2025 10:13 ↓

Identical twins: so much to consider!

Jelly Bean Soup and Chocolate Bunny Hair! (Easter 2025!) 21.04.2025 12:34 ↓

Where did my Mom get that spindly asparagus?! And hunting for an egg and eating it right away!

The Archives! We’ve Got A Bone to Pick With You, Granola! 19.04.2025 11:02 ↓

You’re garbage! And you lie to everyone about it!!

A Confession!! and The End Of the Innocence! 18.04.2025 16:47 ↓

Political analysis! And cops!!

Hey Friends! Are You Time Travelers?! 17.04.2025 8:50 ↓

And we finally settle the Hamilton College vs Colgate University battle!!

Pimp My Ride! (Stupid Things Adults Say!) 15.04.2025 8:17 ↓

Stop saying that! Stop thinking pimps are cool!!

An Echo Attack! 14.04.2025 13:59 ↓

And Big Mommas House is Weird!! And Never Been Kissed?!

The Archives! FFP’s 25th Makeout Anniversary! It’s Today! 12.04.2025 15:11 ↓

We’ve loved each other a LONG time!!

THAT’S Farm to Table?! 10.04.2025 14:27 ↓

And a super refund!!

That Goose Didn’t Have To Die for Your Pillow!! 09.04.2025 9:26 ↓

And Red Bull and vodka: the classiest drink in Bari!!

The Famine! It Was BAD! 08.04.2025 20:26 ↓

More talk of Ireland!! And then we’re done!!

Cats on Journeys?! Click Bait for Me!! 07.04.2025 11:13 ↓

And remember: I loathe Train!!

The Archives! Dressing in One Color!! 05.04.2025 13:28 ↓

And we’ll be back next week with new content! Can’t wait to talk at you all again! Love you!!

We’re in Ireland! And Suffering From Reverse Jet Lag?! 31.03.2025 23:55 ↓

We’ve been to Galway and now we’re in Dublin! And we know nothing about God!!

Stopping is Optional! 28.03.2025 12:24 ↓

We are Rome! And we’re idiots who microwave metal!!