a's Podcast

you probably wont understand what i mean.  but it seems like the u.s. is about nothing but post slavery.   if i were to think about like someone dying because of the struggles of people dealing with post slavery.  i would think that is a worthless existence.   if you or your son died becuase some guy standing next to you was dealing with consequences of post slavery.   i would not be sure if your...

if you are that worried about it. you may need to go find my father and sisters to ask them about his ancestry. victoria and bianca would probably especially hate that.  they, including my father have lived a life of ease their whole life. if you are looking for a life of ease. you may need to find them. 

i just learned today that the entire continent of africa and african americans take offense to the n word    i dont think people realize they are fighting africa too 

when did you all ever hear me say the n word. did i ever say it online?   

do you see how people are like fighting each other with the same thing. like if someone does an insult. the other person use the same insult right back. very annoying. 

i kind of blame the journalists and stuff that are fishing for comments on the matter of the n word though.   i am very annoyed though that you all want me to figure your problem out for you though.  because the n word has been around for a long time    

i probably need someone to pay me to figure this out now. ive been doing all of this for free. not cool. ive known that for awhile.

i dont think it is the end of the world until it is the end of the world.

you probably wont understand what i mean.  but it seems like the u.s. is about nothing but post slavery.   if i were to think about like someone dying because of the struggles of people dealing with post slavery.  i would think that is a worthless existence.   if you or your son died becuase some guy standing next to you was dealing with consequences of post slavery.   i would not be sure if your...

i hate to tell you this mamdani. but this kind of thing is a dog whistle. this also leads to murder. kind of pre murder. these are dark times. he just built free grocery stores too. like the whole time ive just been trying to keep people from triangulating.  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/mamdani-s-wife-apologises-for-using-the-n-word/ar-AA210pXA?ocid=msedgntp&pc=U531&cvid=69e0dc9020...

i dont think you realize how much i self owned by saying something about the n word.  when i think back on that day, i dont even know what that guy said.  even if he did insult me, which i am not sure if he did. he said something very low to himself with his face turned away,  i had the choice to keep it to myself.  i didnt have to say it online.  that was a self own.  it was just some person i ha...

it really is mental illness i think.  i didnt have to say anything about it. especially since i dont know what they said.   and no one has ever said that me before.  so it is possible   that still even right now, currently, it is possible that no one has ever said it to me before.  because i could not hear what he said.

how can i erase that.   it could even be a made up story.   but would you be interested in turning a made up story that i told you in to a dog whistle.

if my father is still around, and if he is advising donald trump. i wonder if my father is donald trumps daddy now. i also wonder if my brother kept up with my father all those years too. because someone told me that my brother saw him like a father figure.  if all of those things are true, that my father is advising donald trump, and that my father kept up with my brother all those years. i would...

but,  i am surprised they didnt target my father in oklahoma.  i do not understand what the difference is.  as far as i know, my mother was the one who helped him get the respiratory therapist career by paying for expenses, helping him with it , etc.

i do remember meeting a girlfriend that he had. he had a daughter with her.  it was when i met them he made it pretty clear he was like, these people are more important than you, kind of thing.   i remember the girlfriend wanted to become a plumber.  so crazy. 

it is true. they arranged meetings for me to meet with him because we were estranged. but what wound up happening is he basically told me that his other children and spouses or whatever were more important. it did happen that way.     i now wonder why they arranged the meetings.  because it derailed my life a bit i think.

i think my father thought he was better than my mother, because of his father. even though my father was disgusting.  my father couldnt get an education without the help of my mother i dont think.  i think my mother supported him to become a respiratory therapist. by paying for school , housing , things like that.   i only met him a couple of times, but like somehow during one of those meetings. h...

there are probably peopl ethat  would pay for that kind of thing though  to buy someone that is going to die   

when i met my father i thought he was dumzo. i was pretty upset he was my father. i dont like the way he looks or anything. but i still tried to like him.  but then i found out his father was a spaniard that was exiled from spain or whatever. but i didnt get the entire story on that.  i did meet my grandfather on his side one time. for a few minutes.  i think i was four or five.

i did try to like my father though.  mostly it seemed like he didnt have much to say. but then sometimes he would speak coherently.

i have three sisters and a brother that i know of. but i think i am the only one that was targeted.  meaning my father was not targeted also.  just my mother, me.  possibly my mother's father.

i do have a story about my grandfather. my mother's father.  my grandmother told me.  when she first married jesse, they went to visit her father. my great grandfather. when they were together, jesse, like hit my grandmother or pulled her hair and took her away from the table or outside or something because something she said or did embarrassed him.  she said that her parents told her to forg...

you all pointedly kept coming after me. it has been many years now. it is called triangulating. you still do triangulate me.  that is murder.

i did live with the realization that my brother didnt want anyone to find out what he did.  i didnt tell anyone until recently online.  i never really planned to tell anyone. even though i knew he had a family and a business and all of that. i didnt really feel the need to tell anyone.