Your Parenting Long Game

Many children with big emotions can seem spoiled or entitled at times -- like they expect to get everything they want, all of the time. And even though it can be tempting to give in for the sake of family peace, there are better ways to help our children in these situations… so they can learn how to handle not getting their way in the future.  In this episode, you'll learn: Why kids with big emoti...

Despite the fact that they experience emotions very intensely, it's very common for children who feel strongly to NOT want to talk about their emotions. But in order to address negative behavior, moods, and attitudes, we need to have these conversations! The good news is that using specific phrases will allow us to improve our influence with our children so they are open to hearing us, rather than...

We ask our children to do things all the time, and (of course) we assume that they know how to do what we ask. Why wouldn't they? In reality, a lot of negative behavior stems from skills that children are missing – which means they actually don't know how to do what we ask. In order to improve our influence and their resilience, all we need to do is teach them a few strategies for success.  In thi...

It can be exhausting to parent children with big emotions -- especially when it feels like our efforts to improve behavior, moods, and attitudes take longer than we would like. Even if we understand (in our minds) that it takes time for our kids to learn how to deal with their discomfort and develop new skills, that doesn't always make us stop wishing they would feel and act better more quickly! ...

One of the most common reasons for big emotions in our homes is related to asking our children to get off of their devices. And let's be real: They DO have to learn to get off of their devices without acting like it's the end of the world! But most of the time, we attempt to make this happen makes things worse, not better. When we get into our children's world, we can often understand why our atte...

This time of year, navigating the use of screens can be a real challenge -- especially when you're raising children with big emotions. The summer can start off feeling more relaxed, but then come the power struggles over how long children can be on screens and the meltdowns when they have to get off of their devices. Fortunately, a few simple changes can reduce the drama, even during those times w...

Of course we want our children to listen to us when we ask them to do what they're supposed to do or when we ask them to act maturely in situations that don't go their way.  But often when we try to get our kids to listen to us, we do it in ways that actually decrease our influence. This is especially true when we try to get our children to see why we are right and they are wrong.  Of course it's...

As parents, we want to be able to influence our children. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we try to help our kids feel or act better… and we can't make it happen.  One of the most common ways that we "leak" influence happens on a day-to-day basis in the way we ask our kids to do things and in the way we respond to their requests. Once you become aware of this leak, you can make a...

As parents, we want to be able to motivate our kids to act more responsible and handle situations more effectively. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we aren't able to make that happen. Unfortunately, we will feel helpless and out of control because we often (unknowingly) "leak" influence by the way we think about and respond to situations. One of the most common influence leaks hap...

We want to be able to influence our kids. We want them to listen to us, and we want to be able to calm them down so they can work through situations with less drama. So it can be challenging when our attempts to influence them don't work… or even make things worse! In this second episode of a two-part series, we'll discuss what's needed to become a powerful positive influence with your children so...

Most of us crave more calm in our homes. But what do we do when there is drama on an almost-daily basis and nothing we try makes a difference in our child's behavior? Is it possible to reduce the drama and feel more confident in our parenting without damaging our relationship with our children? The good news is you can bring more peace to your family while increasing your children's resilience and...

It's natural to want our kids' negative behaviors, moods, and behaviors to stop. But what happens when nothing we do seems to end the drama? How can we break out of the cycles of negativity?  In this episode, you'll learn: Why "quick fix" methods don't help our kids feel better (and often make things worse) Why Yuck Dumps are NOT the same as wallowing, and how these Dumps actually build resilience...

We know it's better to stay calm when our children have big feelings, but it seems like some days, we can only hold on for so long when they are complaining, crying, or melting down. How can we help our kids handle their discomfort when their behavior triggers our own Yuck? In this episode, you'll learn: Why we need to set realistic expectations for our children What it looks like when we're using...

Most of us have an idea of how we'd like to interact with our kids. But often when we're tired or frustrated, we don't react in a way that feels good. And when situations with our kids frequently spiral out of control, it's natural to feel like we are failing at parenting!  In this episode, you'll learn: Tips that will help any time you feel like a failure One mindset shift that can reduce guilt i...

We talk a lot about BIG reactions when our kids have big feelings, but what about quiet, sensitive children who struggle when other people around them are upset? Often these children will do anything they can in order to make others feel better. To keep the peace, they will also disregard their own needs – even when we encourage them to stand up for themselves!  In this episode, you'll learn: Why...

When we're raising kids with big feelings, it can be hard to stay emotionally regulated all of the time. How can we be the parent we want to be when it's hard not to lose our cool? How can we teach our kids how to stay calm when we're struggling with staying calm ourselves? In this episode, you'll learn: Why we get stuck in a "cycle of Yuck" (and feel guilty and ashamed) How your ability to regula...

We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that's not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse. In this episode, you'll learn: Why...

It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they're happy and the next, they are melting down about something that's not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don't really understand what's driving their reactions? In this ep...

Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction.  In this episode, you'll learn: How to address common obstacles to making deposits...

Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we're being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life.  In this episode, you'll learn: How to know whether we're meeting our kids' wants or nee...

Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you've ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you'll be able to do that now!  In this episode, you'll hear: What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did!  How and why I started a business helping parents  Some quotes that inspire...

When our children are having big emotions or behaviors, it's natural to want those big feelings and behaviors to stop so that there is more fighting, no more disrespectful attitudes, no more drama. Unfortunately, there's one problem: We can't control how our kids feel or how they behave. And when we try, we just make the situation worse (and we feel worse). Fortunately, there is an alternative tha...

Why do some kids listen more to one parent than another? Why do some kids seem to calm down more quickly around one parent than another? Often the difference is that one parent is a powerful positive influence, while the other isn't. The good news is that any parent can learn to be a powerful positive influence. In this episode, you'll learn: What we need to give our kids if we want to be more inf...

Many people confuse "respectful parenting" with permissive parenting, thinking that respectful parents give into the whims of their children to make them feel good. But caving to our kids' feelings and reactions is not respectful…to them or to us. Believe it or not, firm boundaries are a hallmark of respect-based parenting. And firm boundaries are what our children with big emotions really need. I...

Sometimes people assume that because I teach parenting strategies for a living, I'm always parenting the way I want to. I actually think that assumption is dangerous, so I wanted to offer just a few of my parenting regrets... some of which you may be able to relate to!    In this episode, I'll share:   Some of my personal parenting fails  How I handle those fails – sometimes "successfully," someti...