The Cancer Caregiver

A piece of caregiving advice. When asking someone to help you… play to their strengths.  Play to a person’s strengths or interests and you will have a better time getting the support you need.  For example… I have a friend that helps me by making meals at times when caregiving is stressful. She just knows when to jump in.  She also knows how to mow a lawn… I’ve seen her do it.  She’ll enjoy making...

"It's often the small things that break caregivers down, even though they try to put on a strong front. In this episode, you are encouraged to identify what tasks or chores they struggle with the most and accept help with them.   Listen to learn of the importance of letting go of the myth that caregivers should do everything on their own and how slowing down is necessary for self-care.   Find more...

Feel like just getting by isn’t enough for you anymore? Yes, you're “getting by” with how things are right now.  The purpose is, however, to find a way to help you enjoy life as a caregiver.  That doesn’t mean enjoy caregiving. If you do that’s fine but you don’t have to.  What I would hope for you is that you can enjoy your life even though you are a caregiver.  So let’s just try to consider doin...

Would you like to be able to gain the help you deserve but always find yourself at a loss when people ask how they can help you? In this episode, I share the process I go through with caregivers I work with. In short, it all comes down to realizing how much you do all day and most importantly what you really could benefit from not doing.  In this episode, I explain how to go about identifying ever...

Do you hate it when people tell you to let them know how they can help? Caregiving Confession… over time I started to get angry when people told me to let them know how they can help. It felt like an empty offer. Almost like someone asking me how I was and not expecting me to say anything but “I’m ok”. I found it a little insensitive sometimes because I felt they were giving me more work to think...

I’ve made the mistake of being a do it all caregiver.  I controlled what I could at a time of high anxiety and stress.  There were too many moving parts and if I didn’t map out their trajectory from the very start I was worried there would be a cataclysmic crash that would result in me … feeling like a failure! It didn’t take long before I began to feel the effects of doing it all. My outlet becam...

Historically February is the worst month of the year for me. I just always feel stuck.  This is the time of the year that I sit bitterly watching reality tv shows that take place in the tropics or binge watch anything that takes place in another part of the world so I can both hate that I’m not there and fantasize about being there. During this time I have to work hard to limit complaining to my f...

Caregiving changes relationships. It makes things weird, messy, and complicated at best, and it closes the book on what was our relationship with the loved ones we care for. You just want to be in the story you were living before caregiving. Then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and realize you don’t recognize the person looking back at you. Listen to episode 148 to hear how finding your...

This episode is an interview with August Spree from Twist Out Cancer. Listen today to learn about the wonderful art based programs Twist Out Cancer provides for cancer survivors, previvors and cancer caregivers! Find links to Twist Out Cancer programs at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Do you feel like you had a choice in becoming a caregiver?  Most people become caregivers because it just made sense. You were the one that was dependable enough, strong enough and the one who didn’t know to or couldn’t say no.  That’s the problem. Most of us don’t know we can say no.  Listen to episode 147 of the Love Your Caregiving Podcast and read the transcript at https://www.loveyourcaregivi...

The other day I was venting to my husband about something that was really upsetting to me. I took my time to set up the scene and explain to him what happened. He actively looked like he was listening and then… he made the mistake of trying to fix it.  When my husband tried to fix my problem it made me feel misunderstood. I wondered if he was really hearing what I was trying to tell him or if he w...

I’m sitting here writing this to you on the second week of January and I have a confession to make… my Christmas decorations are still up.  Things are not going to plan. The constant reminder that a chore needs to be completed is both frustrating and upsetting at the same time. Maybe it isn’t your holiday decorations that are the problem but there is more than likely something that needs to be don...

This time last year my husband and I started downsizing our lives so we could move from our suburban home in Minneapolis to a condo in Chicago.  It made us realize that we were really excited about some of the responsibilities we no longer needed to worry about. Responsibilities stressed me out when my husband wasn’t physically able to do them during the years his cancer took a larger role in our...

Let’s talk about why hating yourself isn’t a requirement for change.  Your needs matter. You don’t have to find a reason to hate yourself in order to justify doing them.  Listen to episode 143 to learn, ❤️How to choose the change you want in life without the need to hate yourself in order to do it.  ❤️How to make positive life changes that set you up to succeed.  ❤️Ways to not fall into the trap o...

Why do we hurt our ability to enjoy the small moments in our lives by being controlled by what might happen in the future? How many times do you find yourself laughing with a group of people and then remember your loved one has a doctor’s appointment next week and suddenly feel your stomach drop?  Or maybe living in constant worry of the possibility of losing your loved one to the point that you c...

When you think of it, aren’t the “bad” times and experiences in your life what make you who you are?  When you think about your caregiving do you know you can make it through difficult things because of the vacation you took three years ago or because you were able to advocate for your loved one last month?  Listen to episode 141 of the Love Your Caregiving Life podcast to find out why we only doc...

How many times have you been out with someone and suddenly they'll give you a weird look and ask if you’ve been walking around like that all day? Have you had two different shoes on all day or wait, I thought your hair was up when we left. When was the last time you really saw your loved one? It’s so easy to do. I mean in a - why didn’t you tell me I forgot to button up my shirt before we left the...

Here’s the thing… gratitude isn’t standing around the dinner table holding hands with people you haven’t seen in a year, feverishly trying to think up a new thing you can say you’re grateful for because Aunt Mary already took what you were going to say!  Gratitude is not just a holiday theme. It isn’t a one-and-done kinda thing. In fact, I love that gratitude gets the spotlight for one-twelfth of...

Usually, the topic of gratitude pops up when life is already too difficult for you to handle as a caregiver.  Usually, around the holidays the gratitude message becomes powerful and you can feel surrounded by it. You’ll see it in holiday commercials, on social media, and in almost any conversation you find yourself in. Or worse yet… the awkward gratitude circle your family always forms right befor...

Turbulence is never a science. You could hear there could be some bumps along that way and on the other end of it realize it really wasn’t anything to worry about. Or the turbulence hits out of thin air and it takes you by surprise. Either way… you’ve learned that there is a certain amount of unpredictability when you fly and you have to choose how you will approach that each time you get on a pla...

We’ve all been forced to face how unfair life can be… so are you a glass empty or glass full type of person? I think I’m a… hope the waiter comes soon because I’m thirsty type. I do walk through life expecting the best.  Don’t you deserve the best? You doubted that when I said it didn’t you?  But really… don’t you deserve the best?  What if the best isn’t a cure.  What if the best is seeing what i...

Do you have moments when you realize you have a particular thing you do with your loved one that only makes sense to the two of you? Have you been caregiving for so long that the back story would take way too long to explain it to anyone else? Love that you can look at each other, smile and know exactly what the other person is thinking? Or maybe you’re like me and realize sometimes that your care...

Loving Kindness Meditation practice helps you cultivate unconditional love towards yourself and others. Listen to this podcast episode to understand what unconditional love is, how it’s probably already a big part of your caregiver DNA and why consciously working with it can make this ability stronger.  Listen to episode #134 to get a better understanding of what unconditional love is and how your...

Negative self talk and feeling resentful and angry are all part of the caregiving experience that we’d rather not talk about. Feeling inadequate and constantly going over our mistakes when things go wrong can hijack our day and keep us from feeling happiness.  Would you like to find an easy way to.. Reduce body pain and migraines. Decrease stress and anxiety Slow biological decline Nuture strong r...

We spend a lot of time wishing we were loved more, appreciated more, and seen. We base our future happiness on the health of the people we care for. How many times do you think or say that you’ll do something for yourself or feel happier once they recover or feel better? So we spend forever waiting because even if that day were to come we would probably push finding our own happiness to the side. ...