The 9pm Edict

The Anzac Day centenary is just three days away, and Australians are getting the irrits. Tony Abbott demonstrates his usual empathy. And Nicholas Fryer delivers a heartfelt ode to Scott Morrison. In this podcast, there’s talk of storms, ships, terrorism and theology. And yes, Florida gets a look-in.

Australia’s Treasurer Joe Hockey wins new friends in Western Australia. Russell Crowe says something sensible. And Woolworths backs down after having created an Anzac Day promotional campaign that wasn’t sensible at all. On Facebook. Serious. In this podcast, there’s talk of Anzac Day, budgets, boat races, and cheetahs. But nothing about Florida at all. Episode notes and full credits are at: https...

A disturbing new news genre emerges from Florida. We discover certain frustrations in relation to the Pie People. And we learn the correct way to respond when Australia’s education minister Christopher Pyne speaks. In this podcast, there’s talk of government, spin, Joe Hockey, Bill Shorten, and selfies. And Florida. Obviously. Episode notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/0...

Ah yeah, hello. Careful listeners will have noticed that there hasn’t been an episode of The 9pm Edict podcast since early March. And it’s now early April. Sorry about that. I had most of the pre-production done for an episode on 24 March, and then I got a cold, and then five days later much of what I’d written had become… obsolete as time passed. So fuck time, basically. In fact, fuck most of phy...

Australia has chosen its face for Eurovision 2015, and it needs a shave. Christopher Pyne explains science. And Malcolm Turnbull explains reality. In this podcast, there’s talk of logic, leadership, public relations, science and Florida. Obviously. Episode notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00038/

Attorney-General Soapy the Ankle QC demonstrates his openness to new information. And Malcolm Turnbull invents a new future for Australia. It’s a turbulent future, and Turnbull says we just have to deal with it. In this podcast — an episode that should never have happened — there’s talk of technology, foreskins, special new jargon terms, and the media. Episode notes and full credits are at: https:...

Crusader Rabbit sacks his chief whip, and then goes the full crazy racist uncle. And Nicholas Fryer explains the One and a Half Ferrets of the Apocalypse. Ah, such joy! In this podcast there’s talk of terrorism, shopping trolleys, cheap pinot noir and much more. Ei incumbit probatio qui dicit, non qui negat. Program notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00036/

Yes, this episode of The 9pm Edict is hitting the internets just one week after the previous one. Crusader Rabbit explains in detail why he should stay on as Prime Minister. Everything seems to be a bit chaotic, and Malcolm Turnbull seems to know why. Ah, such joy! In this podcast there’s talk of music, chaos, character and the Liberal Party’s problem with women, as well as sex with animals, and p...

This episode of The 9pm Edict is important. Every single piece of information is vital to our national security. You must help protect our way of life. Listen closely, and observe all safety precautions. It’s so long since the last episode, we’ve already celebrated the birthday of gentle Baby Jesus. It’s a brand new year, but we’ve got the same old Crusader Rabbit as Prime Minister. In this podcas...

This episode of “The 9pm Edict” is a journey. Crusader Rabbit demands to be taken seriously. We expose the truth about hopscotch. And there are far too many references to wine. And there’s more stuff, but you’ll have to listen. Episode notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00033/

It’s time to have a few words about words. Yes, words. Words like “webinar”. Words like “disruption”. And words like “I have no words”. Elephant stamps of approval go to the staff of American Airlines and Los Angeles International Airport for being fearful of a Wi-Fi hotspot name, and the fans of One Direction who didn’t know what a poppy symbolises. And there’s more stuff, but you’ll have to list...

Australia’s former Prime Minsister Gough Whitlam is dead. Politicians across the political spectrum praise Whitlam as a man of vision, but how does the current mob stand up? And yesterday was International Fisting Day. What did you do to celebrate? Elephant stamps of approval go to an Australians this time: Bronwyn Bishop, Speaker of the House of Representatives, for her rumour-based security proc...

Prime Minister Crusader Rabbit explains how consultation works. There’s quite a bit about Muslims and terrorism. And butt chugging at the University of Tennessee? We get to the bottom of it. We hear how a family targeted in Sydney’s anti-terrorism raids has launched legal action and that a sword seized in another raid was just a plastic decoration. Elephant stamps of approval go to alleged butt ch...

For nearly two weeks now, Australians have been more afraid of the fear of the risk of terror that ever before. We’re going to war, and the defence minister is an idiot. But don’t worry about why an event on the other side of the world is suddenly a threat here. We’re going to go butt chugging. What does any of this mean? Who knows. But we do hear how terrorism alert rankings serve no purpose beyo...

It’s time to heed the words of the Prime Minister. Clarity of purpose, that’s what we need more generally on this arsehat-ridden island continent. I’ve been trying to bring it to you, through this, the finest goat-oriented political and social commentary podcast in the galaxy. But it’s not enough. This podcast needs to happen weekly. This podcast needs your help now. “The 9pm Operation Budget Repa...

Prime Minister Tony Abbott points to the enemy, and to the difficult road ahead. What road is that? Foreign Minister Julie Bishop gives a clue. We also determine the three key differences between Philip Ruddock and a mechanical duck. We award elephant stamps for people who have been exceptional in the category of thinking to the authorities of Summerville, South Carolina, for arresting a 9th-grade...

Prime Minister Tony Abbott rallies the troops. Attorney-General George Brandis explains how the internet works. And Employment Minister Eric Abetz provides scientific and moral guidance. In this episode of The 9pm Edict you’ll hear how Australia’s favourite Attorney-General, Senator George Brandis QC, turned a routine TV interview into a train wreck, leading to me calling him incompetent; Brandis’...

This episode of The 9pm Edict heads into a eucalypt forest in search of the internet, and encounters a dog. You’ll hear about the National Broadband Network’s fibre-to-the-node trial, Russell Brand, Bertrand Russell, the 20th anniversary of a sarin nerve gas attack in Japan, the 25th birthday of the internet in Australia, the 60th birthday of nuclear power stations, Hillary Clinton and the mangoes...

The sharing economy explained in just two minutes. A Florida meth lab is a threat to dolphins. And the failure of hashtag diplomacy. This episode of The 9pm Edict heads to the United States, at least in some strange warped sense. There’s a story of a meth lab in a Florida hotel room, and we encounter both an episode of Hannity on Fox News and a “sharing economy guru” on the BBC. There’s also menti...

Australia’s treasurer Joe Hockey exudes love and understanding. We take the train to Cronulla to find out exactly what makes this southern Sydney suburb so great. And there are shellfish, damn fine shellfish. Back from hiatus thanks to your support, this episode of The 9pm Edict heads south to the Sutherland Shire to follow up the words of our Minister for Immigration and Border Protection, Scott...

So you know how the other day I told you about the return of The 9pm Edict podcast and how the next episode would be posted on Sunday 4 May? Well it isn’t going to happen quite like that. I did go to Sydney’s Sutherland Shire as planned yesterday. And I did record stuff. But for reasons explained in this mini-podcast, I didn’t get the material I needed to fulfil the plan. Sorry. I’m heading back t...

My crowdfunding project, "The 9 O’Clock Resurrection", has been successful. We have resurrected the finest goat-oriented political and social commentary podcast in the galaxy, "The 9pm Edict". Haha. What have we done? What we’ve done is fund two episodes for May. First up, "The 9pm Shire", by which I mean Sutherland Shire in Sydney’s southern suburbs. Our Minister for Immigration and Border Protec...

Today Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced that the federal election will be on 7 September 2013. Tonight I announce that I intend to produce five episodes of The 9pm Election. They’ll bear some passing resemblance to previous episodes of The 9pm Edict, such the episode from when the last election was called. It is my intention to post a new episode each Friday night at 9pm AEST. Provided you cough...

Is Android the reason we can’t have nice things any more? Astronaut Neil Armstrong: what a liar! And buttcrack, can you ever have too much? In this episode we talk to a man somehow connected to Weird Coast T-Shirts (pictured above), and we hear about an orphan bear in Idaho. Episode notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00023/

Hot. Damn Hot. It reached 42.3C at Sydney’s Observatory Hill today, and this is the result. Listen up! You’ll hear why a conspiracy has led to alternating current causing wars. It’s true. A bloke at the pub said so. Because Nikola Tesla. Episode notes and full credits are at: https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00022/