Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

BPD Fragmented Self Blocks Connection and Communication BPD fragmented self blocks connection and communication. I dive deeply into the core reason a person with (especially untreated) BPD cannot hear you or see you. These are toxic relationships. When you are relating to a person with BPD in any relationship type, there is no "we". No mutuality, no reciprocity. They don't see you or hear you and...

BPD Triggers Explained BPD Triggers Explained. What do you still need to understand or understand more about people with Borderline Personality and what triggers them and why? Do you still feel like their triggered responses, emotional dysregulation, splitting on you and blaming you for everything means that their triggers are your fault? https://ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions https://ajmahari.ca...

Is Codependency Really an Addiction? From my Codependency Surviving Cluster B Relationships Podcast An often asked, and I think, an often misunderstood question where Codependency is concerned. My answer in this podcast to "Is Codependency Really an addiction" with my 35 years  experience working with clients in Codependency recovery is, "yes" and "no" and I think that this approach gives my clien...

BPD Ego Syntonic vs Ego Dystonic & BPD Alloplastic Defenses In BPD people with (especially) untreated BPD have ego syntonic alloplastic defense mechanisms. This leaves so many people who were or are still trying to relate to someone with BPD as a partner, friend, favorite person, etc walking on eggshells and at the same time experiencing crazy-making painful toxic relational dynamics. What doe...

Borderline Persecutory Object - Invisible Partners and Exes Borderline persecutory object, a psychoanalytic concept, within Objects Relations Theory, that explains so much about Borderline Personality Disorder. This is the path to truly understanding the results of BPD splitting, perception, unconscious repetition compulsions re-experiencing and re-enactment in BPD that captures the core of unders...

BPD Misinformation Hurts Borderlines and Codependents BPD misinformation hurts people with Borderline Personality and it hurts Codependents and loved ones. There is growing "professional misinformation" about BPD out there, and it doesn't help anybody heal. BPD is not 100% heritable, nothing like that is known at all. BPD is a combination of nature and nurture (lack of nurture). People with BPD ca...

BPD “Remission” Flawed & False Hope BPD remission is very difficult to define or describe or even rely on apart from a very not helpful base definition of it. BPD remission is not a measurable constant across many, let alone most with BPD in treatment at all. Is BPD remission really a helpful measure for Codependents wanting to keep trying an unhealthy relationship? Does the definition of BPD...

Excusing BPD Behavior is Codependent Externalization Excusing BPD behavior is what so many people with Codependency do and it is a function of Codependent Externalization and need for taking more personal responsibility for yourself - not how anyone with BPD treated you terribly. It is important to get into a healing and recovery journey in therapy to break the trauma bond, learn to focus more on...

BPD Sudden Shocking Discard BPD Ex is All Alone Now What Can You Do? BPD sudden shocking discard is devastating and leaves many an Ex of someone with BPD worried that their Ex wife or Ex husband with Borderline Personality or Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend with BPD may be all alone and what can you do to help them? Why do you still want to help them? https://ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions  https://aj...

Wanting to Make Amends to a BPD Ex is Codependent BPD Ex wanting to make amends to Borderline is codependent. Whether you are struggling with alcoholism in AA and wanting to make amends or substance abuse program recovery and wanting to make amends or not, just generally want to make amends to a BPD Ex itis highly NOT recommended that you do so. Maybe you feel guilty that you so hurt an Ex with BP...

Does Going No Contact Make Your BPD Ex Think About You? Does going no contact after a BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard, make your Ex with BPD think about you? No contact is not a strategy to manipulate a Borderline. No contact is a serious action BPD Exes need to take as soon as one can to truly be engaging your own healing and to break the trauma bond. No contact is difficult, people often feel...

BPD Abuse Called Out is Denied Deflected BPD Lying When people with BPD (usually untreated) are called out their abusive behaviour, words, actions, they deny, deflect, and defend. Is this because they have "memory loss" - they don't really know or remember what they did? Even when showed evidence they don't take any personal responsibility - they weaponize it and claim you have victimized them. It...

Want a BPD Ex Back? Fantasy Bond & Unanswered Questions Want a BPD Ex back? It's the fantasy bond and wanting answers to unanswered questions. Questions that most (especially untreated) with Borderline Personality don't know the answers to. They are too defended, more often than not, to even try to "communicate" with you.  The fantasy of getting a BPD Ex back after they ghost you and END a rel...

Unknowingly Loving a Borderline Suddenly Ghosted Unknowingly loving a Borderline and suddenly ghosted? Wondering what on earth just happened? Maybe you know now you were loving a Borderline and were suddenly ghosted. It's a terribly traumatic experience knowingly or unknowingly. Many in wanting the BPD Ex back relationship recycle and may have been ghosted multiple times. Everyone wants the Border...

BPD On/Off Relationship Can You Change To Make It Work? In a BPD on/off relationship? Are you wondering, can I change, like heal some Codependency, and have more energy and tolerance to make a BPD relationship work? Have you been ghosted and so want your BPD Ex back? Maybe you've been discarded, and you are emotionally terrified that you won't hear from that person  ever again? What can you do to...

Borderline Disconnectedness and Inability To Relate As a BPD survivor, I recovered almost 40 years ago, I explain the deep and extremely pervasive abyss of Borderline Personality and the profound disconnectedness that drives all aspects of Borderline behaviour (abuse) and inability to relate in healthy, consistent, or congruent, even remotely healthy ways in relationships.  https://ajmahari.ca/ses...

Want BPD Ex Back Holding Out Hope? Are you holding out hope that you can get your BPD Ex back? Like so many people, most with Codependence, many Ex's of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, continue to give so much power and control of their lives, and selves to a person with BPD.  If you really believe that you need to contact your BPD Ex because if they respond angrily or in further dev...

BPD Arrested Emotional Development and Object Other Relating BPD arrested emotional development and Object Other Relating. For more people than not with Borderline Personality (male and female) their early childhood emotional development arrests by or before the age of 2 years. People with BPD and/or all the patterns of BPD were not able in childhood to go through the crucial stages of early child...

Lost Yourself To A Borderline? Have you lost yourself to Borderline? A partner, Ex partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or person close to you with Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you aware of Codependency? Are you learning any helpful lessons? One man blames God, calling him a "farce" after a relationship with a woman, who "trapped him into her getting pregnant" and now thinks the "farce relati...

BPD Idealization Phase Causes Fantasy Bonding BPD idealization in the beginning of a significant other relationship creates a fantasy bond. People with BPD, not having any stable sense of self, are intense and want (often) immediate "relationship on". After the person with BPD splits you to a major devaluation, you will not ever be able to be re-idealized. People with Codependency (often unaware o...

Borderline Betrayal and Its Insidious Impact on You Borderline betrayal and its negative, painful impact on you. Anyone close to any person with BPD will experience Borderline Betrayal and the very real consequences to "self" that result from BPD betrayal.  People with Codependency have a suggestible enough core wound that the impact of Borderline betrayal causes untold damage, rumination, cogniti...

BPD Awareness Can't Save Relationships BPD awareness can't save relationships and doesn't mean changed behaviour (spelling Canadian now :) When a person with BPD has intellectual awareness and can even talk about things at times, too many partners get fooled. Why fooled? Because too many people think that BPD awareness means "they get it" they can change. But emotionally, they don't get it. Whenev...

BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini? A commenter asks how could my BPD Ex be fine in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly be so unstable? Is a person with BPD stable in a relationship until they aren't? A BPD Ex compares his ex to Sherri Papini - any similarity to a thought to be "stable" partner who then suddenly shows how unstable they are? Does the length of...

Borderlines Are Not Relationship Worthy Borderlines are not relationship worthy. They lack a self, have no object constancy and have relational and communication deficits. People with BPD feel very unworthy. They struggle without a known "self" to have any positive regard for "self" or "other". People with BPD often really don't like themselves and this is projected out on to anyone that gets clos...

BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your Fault BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard is not your fault. People with suspected BPD, diagnosed BPD untreated (or not fully treated) can't stop the ghosting or discards and neither can you. People with BPD often feel out of control in relationships and people with Codependency try to help, rescue, fic and change them. They need years of therapy that they wo...