Remote Station Seven

If Remote Station Seven existed in fact and was not just the figment of a concerted disinformation program from beyond the official borders, what would you consider its most uplifting program?

Do you lie awake at night worrying about a world that seems beyond your control? By tuning into our programming the listener agrees to release Remote Station Seven from any responsibility for their existential angst.

Would you like a Remote Station Seven t-shirt? Remember, t-shirts are forbidden in the new state-mandated citizen codes and being caught wearing one on your person will result in your being appropriated to an official readjustment camp.

The Remote Station Seven promotional van will be coming to your neighborhood! Take no notice. Behave as you normally would and if your normal behavior is one of official compliance, then you have nothing to worry about.

What’s your favorite song? Does it adhere to the state codes that have been enacted for your safety? Yes, it does? Then enjoy it again and again! No, it does not? Please stay where you are and the appropriate authorities will come to your assistance.

Please be advised that when we say “All rights reserved” we are referring to your rights. Just a friendly reminder!

Remember that any other news source broadcasting on the airwaves exists to spread false information and poison the blood of our society, regardless of how fun it might be to listen to.

Contrary to rumor our facilities have not been confiscated by the guerrilla groups in the west since the guerrilla groups in the west are just a fiction created by the guerrilla groups in the east in order to divert officials from the true source of danger. 

Enjoy our scheduling announcements? That’s not our intention.

It’s sad when propaganda becomes frowned upon as a useful informational format.

Have you remembered to tell a friend about our Remote Station Seven broadcasts? Be prepared for the authorities to knock on your door.

Now featuring a special horoscope edition of our spy numbers broadcasts.

Having difficulty tuning into Remote Station Seven broadcasts? That’s because Remote Station Seven does not exist. There has never been a Remote Station Seven nor are there any plans to create a Remote Station Seven. You have been listening to lies that originate from beyond our broadcast range, even though we have no broadcast range because we do not exist.

Have you noticed our exciting new megahertz? They're the best megahertz yet!

Send us a selfie of yourself listening to Remote Station Seven and we'll add your name to our drawing for a raid on your home, including an official search and seizure of certain items that will no doubt be found.

This Valentine's Day, don't forget your favorite administrative bureaucrat! They need love too.

Be sure to tune in for our election special. We have been busily gathering the final results in advance for you!

Have told a friend about Remote Station Seven? Don't. Sharing information endangers friendships. And lives.

Do you enjoy our spy numbers broadcasts? Then you're going to love our bingo numbers broadcasts. Why not tune into both?

Please note: If you have heard one of our broadcasts on our World Service Radio, you should be made aware that we do not offer World Service Radio and wherever you got this idea from, you should alert the appropriate authorities and forget that you ever imagined that you heard our World Service Radio broadcasts that do not exist.

Have outdated listening equipment and need a newer model? Have you contacted the appropriate authorities? They will provide you with a complimentary device after you sign the allegiance papers.

Our longest running show [title redacted] has been stricken from our schedule due to unforeseen circumstances announced by the appropriate authorities several weeks ago. We denounce [title redacted] and all of the recipes presented on it.

The following program does not necessarily represent the views of the staff at Remote Station Seven. It should be stressed that Remote Station Seven agrees with the authorities, any authorities, on every subject.

Be sure to use your Remote Station Seven Supporters Club card for discounts at participating businesses, but please beware it can not be used to initiate release if detained. In some precincts, it can go towards a less vigorous interrogation session.

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