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Remember trying to turn one of your weaknesses into a strength for a job interview, and casually saying “I’m a perfectionist”, as if it’s a good thing? You could say that there are a lot of good things which perfectionism can be associated with. There are also a lot of drawbacks to it, and the same parts of perfectionism which serves you well in life, can also end up costing you your health and re...

Sweet sleep - a good night’s sleep refreshes you, a bad one frustrates you. If you lie in bed tossing and turning, worrying about how knackered you’ll be in the morning without the perfect night’s sleep, then this episode is for you.   I spoke to Dr Guy Meadows about how to get a good night’s sleep, how to stop struggling against ‘bad sleep’, and what to do when you just can’t sleep due to young c...

Have you tried meditation, but can't make it a habit? Do you struggle to 'get it right'?  Over my years of working with high-striving, perfectionistic women, I've found that they often share a pattern of wanting to meditate, but finding it hard to keep up. In this episode I talk about why that can be, and how you can meditate without making it complicated or difficult for yourself.   www.thethomas...

The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’.  In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional...

Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it? What stops you from trusting offers of help?  I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help o...

Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?  Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child? If you ha...

Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.  It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you. In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I...

So much pressure to be the perfect parent. Never losing it, always calm and gentle. This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human! Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure? Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family...

How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’? I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it. Because you don’t FEEL good enough Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.   Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.   Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle wit...

Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?  This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management. Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published...

Have you ever freestyled a presentation? Or do you check and check, overprepare, perfect those slides until you feel ‘confident’? Imagine how much more time and energy you would have, if you allowed for imperfection.  Your performance would improve, as you would be more relaxed and less likely to be overwhelmed and overworked. Newsflash: If you spend loads of time overpreparing and perfecting a pr...

“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.” I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.   In this episode, I dive into perfectio...

If you want to do good, being overwhelmed by the situation may mean that you do nothing at all. If you constantly watch the news, you may freeze in anxiety and worry. Especially considering the impact of two years pandemic on your nervous system. Don't beat yourself up if you feel numb or indifferent, or so anxious that you can't watch it. Want to help? Make sure to look after yourself, so you can...

Do you frequently jump on things and then overwork yourself, regretting doing this activity? Ask yourself this: Is this a wise choice of how to spend my time? Is this activity driven by my values or by my pressure to achieve? Is this going to light me up, and refuel me through my passion? Will doing this drain my energy further, or replenish it? Can I do a smaller version of this, rather than goin...

Do you experience persistent, or chronic, pain? Or you have a loved one who does? You might know how hard it is to pace yourself on a ‘good day’, overdoing it and then ‘paying for it’ the next day. Especially if you have high standards for yourself, then you may just push through the pain rather than being kind to yourself.  In this episode, I speak to Dr Romy Sherlock about chronic pain and perfe...

Have you ever been told that you have a lot of potential? That you could ‘go places’? Do big things? Maybe you have big dreams? Yet you find yourself stuck, not making progress or levelling up like you want to? When we doubt our own ability, or aim for perfection, we hold ourselves back from utilising our potential. You then keep yourself small, preventing yourself from getting to that next level...

What pulls us away from acting in line with our values? Difficult thoughts and feelings showing up, causing us discomfort and leading us to avoid doing things in line with our values. Drinking too much, eating three tubs of ice cream, skipping classes or party invitations – all this avoidance helps us avoid discomfort in the short term, but takes us further away from a meaningful life. In this epi...

Have you set a New Years resolution? Did you wake up with anxiety on New Years Day? Thinking you need to change your habits, lose that weight, get into shape?  There is so much pressure to be perfect in our modern society.  It’s a new year, but you are STILL you. With all your quirks and imperfections, with all your flaws and mistakes. With your mood swings and your bad habits of reading on the to...

Becoming a father, a dad, can be a painful experience. One in 10 men experience anxiety or depression within the first 6 months of the birth of their baby.   In today’s society, there is still a stigma around men talking about their mental health, opening up vulnerably about their emotional experience of fatherhood. In this episode, I speak to Elliott Rae about his experience of PTSD following the...

Are you a people pleaser? Maybe you have heard that term, floating around on social media or maybe someone has said that you are a people pleaser? This episode is for you if you ARE a people pleaser, or if you LIVE with one. Being a people pleaser can make you a martyr – looking after other people’s needs and sacrificing your own. When you silence yourself, not expressing what you really think and...

All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.    In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the p...

What do you base your self-worth on? If your self-worth is based on achievement, you’ll feel good about yourself as long as you are achieving. If you fail, your self-esteem will plummet. You may think of yourself as confident in one area of your life, and not in others. What then happens when you make a mistake in that area? Inevitably, you will. Your self-esteem and confidence will then come tumb...

Leadership is an important part of every workplace. What sort of leader have you got in yours? If you are in a leadership position yourself, what sort of leader are you, or do you aspire to be?  Understanding the different parts of you at play is important, and can help you understand why you might hold yourself back with impostor syndrome, doubt and self-criticism, thinking you must be an all-kno...

Struggling to slow down, to take a break? I see people be so reluctant to press pause, that they get forced to come to a full stop when their body says no. The first step to able to take a break is to realise that you are struggling to do it. Perhaps you are caught up in overworking, living your life in the fast lane? If you are constantly busy, you may ignore your body’s signals that you need a b...

Have you tried to change an unhelpful habit or behaviour, and got stuck? Perhaps you WANT to change and DON’T WANT to change it at the same time, feeling ambivalent and resistant to do something about this problem. Then you beat yourself up for it.  In this episode, I speak to Dr Stan Steindl about compassion and motivation for change.  Dr Stan Steindl is a Clinical Psychologist in private practic...