On Attachment

Subscribe to my YouTube channel Is it possible to become anxiously attached as a result of dating someone with avoidant patterns? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about how our patterns can arise in response to someone else's, while also acknowledging fundamental differences in how people with secure vs. insecure attachment sty...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Does your partner get defensive easily, even when you feel like you weren't being attacking or critical? If so, today's episode is for you. Being on the receiving end of someone's chronic defensiveness can be extremely frustrating and disheartening, and it can feel like a real block to connection. But the way we typically respond — by making someone wron...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel How do you navigate a situation where your partner isn't respecting the boundaries that you've set? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. Boundaries can be fraught for those of us with insecure attachment patterns, and it's easy to swing between demands and capitulation — neither of which are particularly he...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Today's episode is a follow-up from last week's deep dive into fearful avoidant attachment. This week, we're looking at the fearful avoidant in relationships — how these patterns play out, how that changes over the lifecycle of a relationship, and how it can differ based on the other person's attachment style. Links Understanding Your Avoidant Partner Course Free re...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel In today's Ask Steph episode, we're talking about how to balance accepting your partner for who they are, while also encouraging them to grow. This is a delicate dance for many of us, and can reveal our own patterns of wanting to fix and save people. We'll talk about where the healthy middle lies between acceptance and change, and how you can create a re...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel In today's episode, we're diving deep into the fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We're talking about where it originates, and what some of the core belief systems are that drive fearful avoidant patterns. Make sure you're following or subscribed to the show to catch Part 2 next week, where we explore how the fearful avoidant attachment style shows...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel What's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into the difference between privacy and secrecy, as well as on how this interfaces with the anxious need for information and the avoidant need for autonomy. Resources Free resources f...

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel In today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism shows up for anxiously attached people, how that differs from folks with avoidant patterns, and what it looks like to release the grip of perfectionism and find greater compassion and accepta...

How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to access when we're in a challenging season, the mistaken belief that self-compassion removes accountability, and how we can start to cultivate more kindness and self-validation when w...

In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, movement, and creating a supportive home environment — while also being mindful of what we don’t do, like overschedulin...

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New Course Many people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself. The more meaningful question is why we stay engaged in dynamics that leave us feeling uncertain, rather than stepping...

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing. This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to be in survival mode, there are small but powerful ways you can support yourself through this time rather than getting sw...

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working. This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?” In this episode, I unpack why t...

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship? When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe...

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex? While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward. In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patte...

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners. While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from. We explore the nuance that often gets lost...

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships. I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around o...

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships. So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyon...

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement. While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster...

Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole process can be seriously activating — and all the more so for those with anxious attachment patterns. In this episode, I share three key mindset shifts to help you approach dating from a place of self-worth rather than scarcity, pessimism, or the nee...

In today’s Ask Steph episode, I’m answering the listener question: If you were only going to focus on one thing to start healing anxious attachment, what would it be? While there are many layers to this work, the single place I’d start is building self-worth outside of a relationship. For many anxiously attached people, relationships become the primary place where we seek security, validation, and...

If you've been putting in the work to heal your anxious attachment but still feel like you're treading water, this episode is for you. In today's episode, I'm sharing what I believe are the three core pillars of healing anxious attachment — and why the sequencing of that work matters just as much as the work itself. Whether you're just starting out or have been on this journey...

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their avoidant patterns, can the relationship still work? I unpack why focusing on your side of the street is never a waste of time — even when your partner isn’t meeting you there yet. We talk about how healing anxious attachment isn’t about fixing the relat...

In this episode, we explore one of the most painful dynamics after a breakup: watching your ex seem “fine” while you feel completely unravelled — and the stories that comparison creates. We unpack why anxious and avoidant attachment patterns tend to process breakups so differently, and why those differences don’t mean what you think they mean. We look at how anxious attachment often shows up as hy...

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener who says they generally feel secure in their relationship — except when their partner travels and is physically away. During those periods, they experience intense separation anxiety, spiralling thoughts, and a sudden sense of insecurity that feels confusing and disproportionate. I talk about why distance and absence can be uniquely activating for...