Now We Know

Join Kevin, Chris, and Evan on what was a truly ignoble night.

From the bowels of the Patreon vault, Evan joins us to dive into the since-abandoned phenomenon of the Bill and Ted Halloween live shows at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida, part of their Halloween Horror Nights routine. In this case, however, the "horror" is from a massively upscaled vision of a crude high school-level variety show, combining the cheapest possible pop culture references, gen...

Wherein Kevin and Chris are startlingly pleased with the caliber of Kenneth Branagh's spooky third stab at portraying detective Hercule Poirot.

October is here, and with it all the commensurate horror coverage you crave, this time from the depths of the Now We Know Patreon vault. First up for the month: Jason Voorhees' furtive, shortlived, devastatingly ineffectual attempt to conquer one of New York's five boroughs.

Subscribe / follow Pod My Children with Chris Tognotti™ on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , and Instagram !

"Hey, just look at these reviews! 'Live-action' Stitch proved himself completely maladroit in the host's chair!"

Like a sating, flourishing oasis in the release schedule of 2023, Hayao Miyazaki's final theatrically released film (for now, at least) was a real socks-knocker-offer, that's for sure.

Relive a truly dark day in the life of Now We Know's foremost martyr, Christopher Tognotti — as a holiday gift to Kevin, I graciously agreed to record an unthinakble solo watchalong track for the 2019 "live-action" remake of The Lion King, but the audio file was unaccountably corrupted the entire first playthrough, and then the first half of the second playthrough, meaning at the outset of this re...

Have you always wanted a brothaaa? Just like him (Mufasa)? If so, have we got the "live-action" feature film for you.

Your latest gift from the depths of the Now We Know Patreon vault: Jack Black WOWS as Minecraft Steve

I'm Sindbad the Sailor, so hearty and hale I live on an island on back of a whale It's a whale of an island (that's not a bad joke!) Its lord and its master is this handsome bloke! Ohhhh, who's the most remarkable, extra-ordinary fellow? Sindbad the Sailor! (Also why is the genie vaguely German?)

Chris here... man remember back when we did this podcast? We had to watch stuff like DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE all the time! Hoo boy did we not enjoy this one. Fun fact: listeners got to vote on whether we watched this or the Beverly Hills Cop reboot, and friend of the show Rachel Fisher (Hollywood Crime Scene; my remedial high school science class) cast the deciding vote for D&W. This means that dec...

In 1978, veteran NBC presenter Edwin Newman descended on Marin County, California, just north of the Golden Gate, to profile the affluent county and its various cultural and social tendencies. The result, "I Want It All Now," portrayed the county as a haven of self--absorption, new age irresponsibility, divorce, drug abuse, and free swingin' sexuality, all neatly packaged for a national audience r...

Guess who's back, back again, the X-Men, as you knew them when

Cate Blanchett was cramming for Tár while on set for Borderlands. Really makes you think.

The turtles are here, and they're teenaged. 

Staight from the Now We Know premium vault, your freshly-unlocked episode for this week: a look back at John Travolta's most utterly incomprehensible decision since Moment By Moment, THE FANATIC (2019). Travolta portrays Moose, an awkward, neurodivergent Hollywood Boulevard street performer who is a tremendous fan of actor Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa), perhaps dangerously so. The less spoiled about...

Hoo boy it's the Flash, the one from 2023, with two Ezra Millers, Michael Keaton, some other people I've since forgotton... oh yeah, this one make you relive the climax of Man of Steel repeatedly. Really did not enjoy this one (this is Chris by the way)... I guess it's nice to see Ron Livingston... the mom is pretty cute? Anyways please enjoy your latest Patreon vault unlock.

Get ready to bite into what Disney has assured us is a *delicious* meat-bread-meat sandwich of a film: Lightyear, the Buzz Lightyear movie, your latest unlocked Patreon episode. Chris and Kevin both saw this movie in theaters solo as single adult men - Chris, in particular, wore sunglasses with his jacket collar flipped up while murmuring "one for Lightyear" at the venerable Elmwood theater box of...

You ain't never had a friend like Will Smith, for it is he who will prove, once and for all, that he is a fun, talented, and normal guy, in that order. This week, unlocked from the Patreon vault, Disney's 2019 live-acrion Aladdin remake, which hauled in an astonishing, life-deffirming $1 billion at the box office.

The Mandalorian? Grogu? Rotta the Hutt, who no matter what you've heard is his own man? All these and more will NOT be discussed on the latest Now We Know Patreon unlock: it's 1995's Star Wars Essential Guide to Characters, written by Andy Mangels. Reunite with the whole crew! Bollux! Blue Max! Davin Felth! Figrin Dan and his Figrin Band! And, of course, Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan.

This week, with the first Star Wars feature film in years set to hit theaters (the Baby Yoda movie), we unlock from the depths of the Patreon vault... EWOKS: THE BATTLE FOR ENDOR, the 1985 made-for-TV movie starring Warrick Davis as Wicket the Ewok, Wilford Brimley as Noa, Aubree Miller as Cindel, and Carl Struychen (best known as the Giant from Twin Peaks) as King Terak.

Your latest gem from the Now We Know vault — the horrifying Unfrosted, Jerry Seinfeld's return to the world of feature films. There's a surprising number of cameos by actually talented people in this (including the the always-marvelous Andy Daly as the Quaker Oats guy), yet virtually nothing can overcome Seinfeld's unique, and unfortunate, sense of what's funny.

More like HOOP, there it is! On the precipe of his elimination from the 2026 NBA playoffs, at the hands of the similarly odious Oklahoma City Thunder, our latest unlock from the Patreon vault: it's Space Jam: A New Legacy, the confused semi-hagiography of LeBron James. Primarily addressing his struggles to be a good father (not to the real LeSperms, Bronny or Bryce, but a false, Hollywood-invented...

Open sesame, you say, standing at the hunk of solid rock you presume covers the way into the Now We Know vault - or maybe the Now We Know mine? Your Patreon unlock for this week: 2025's "live" "action" Snow White "remake," featuring such characters as the titular White, her auto-tuned plasticine boyfriend, the "dwarves," and an evil queen who sounds an awful lot like she's got enough champagne to...