Imperfect Love

Have you experienced a traumatic event in the past--whether in your childhood or adult life? If the answer is "yes," you're surely not alone. Research shows that about 60% of men and 50% of women experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. However, women are actually more likely to develop PTSD. And as a clinical psychologist who has worked with thousands of traumatized individuals,...

If you struggle feeling safe and secure in relationships or face challenges due to chronically unhealthy relationship dynamics, did you know that your attachment style might be at the root of the issues? Your attachment style, whether secure or one of the three types of insecure attachment, has a huge influence on how you perceive and operate in your relationships. In my work as a clinical psychol...

Marriage and other long term relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be tough. It's natural to expect--and even believe--that romantic partnerships should last forever. Yet, in real life, many love relationships fall apart due to factors such as ongoing differences, a lack of connection, betrayal, health issues, or abuse. And, in some cases, a terrible combination of these issues can cau...

From stressful inconveniences to full-on emergencies, life can be pretty tough to navigate. Whether you are single, partnered, childless, or a parent, it's easy to get stuck in doubt and anxiety when serious challenges arise. But what if you had the tools to handle and survive whatever came your way? Wouldn't it be wonderful to have safety without fear, readiness without rigidity, and security wit...

Do you find it tough to maintain healthy eating habits? Do you struggle with excess weight that seems to want to stay on no matter how much you exercise or change your diet? If so, you're surely in solid company. I've found that many people struggle with diet and exercise issues and end up feeling like they are failures because they are broken or have no willpower. This destructive cycle often fos...

Being a parent is never easy. But in today's complicated world, it can be even more difficult to navigate the challenges of parenting. From social media concerns to substance abuse issues, many parents feel as if they and their kids are walking in a minefield that feels like it is getting worse. And as a parent myself, I know how good it feels to have at least a few go-to strategies that can make...

Anxiety lives in our bodies and minds, and its main function is to steer us clear of danger. But in today's chaotic and uncertain world, it's easy for anxiety to grab hold in strange ways and not let go. Many people of all ages are experiencing more anxiety than ever, and this anxiety can easily turn into panic. And if you've been in the clutches of a panic attack, you know it's a deeply terrifyin...

Are you suffering from a lack of sleep, chronic pain, or other issues that keep you from living your best life? Although we want our bodies to run like beautifully, well-oiled machines, daily life takes a toll despite our heartfelt efforts. As a clinical psychologist, I've found that sleep and pain issues are common in nearly every age group – and they often start as early as adolescence. And the...

Do you believe in soul contracts, past lives, manifesting, and the power of divine energy? Do you want to dip your toes into the realm beyond what the rational brain prescribes? As a psychologist and fellow human, I find it interesting to contemplate how we can decrease suffering and ease our human journey in ways that sometimes defy science. When we go beyond the rational mind, an array of window...

Is your self-image suffering? Do you struggle with body shame issues? If you're like many people, you may see yourself through critical eyes that tell you you're not fit enough, thin enough, or as attractive as you'd like to be. From decades of research, I've found that many people of all genders suffer from feelings of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence that are often connected to body sham...

We often experience or hear about eating disorders. We talk about them--often behind closed doors--as if they're something to be ashamed of and ignored. Yet eating disorders--like all mental issues--are complex, highly challenging, and often resistant to change. They deserve our attention. And for anyone who's been mired in an eating disorder or has had a friend or family member struggle with this...

Sex tends to be an important, connective aspect of intimate relationships. But all too often, couples find that they have different sex drives or encounter other sexual issues that leave one or both partners feeling stressed or dissatisfied. This can be especially troublesome when a couple experiences great sex while dating – an indicator that sexual compatibility is high – only to face an inexpli...

81. 83. 49. 66. What do these figures have in common? They all relate to burnout--that sense of being utterly depleted, worn out, and chronically exhausted. Recent research shows that work burnout affects 81% of those between ages 18 - 24, 83% of those who are 25 - 34, and 49% of those over 55. When averaged, a whopping 66 percent of working adults report experiencing burnout. Even worse, these fi...

We often hear about the "fight - flight" response, that instinctive reaction to a fear-inducing situation. In fact, you've likely witnessed or responded to an actual or perceived threat with protective aggression or a fearful escape. Yet two other hardwired responses--freezing and fawning--are also part of our instinctual repertoire. And while such responses are intended to keep us safe and alive...

Are you trapped in negative relationship cycles that make you feel stuck and even a little crazy? Do you and your partner have toxic patterns--bouts of fighting, shutting down, or tuning out--that leave you feeling upset, unheard, and unloved? Although we often expect our intimate relationships to be naturally healthy and smooth, unhealthy dynamics can take over--or be present even from the start....

Feelings of jealousy and envy often bring up a sense of shame or insecurity. Yet both jealousy and envy arise even in early childhood as we vie for parents' attention, desire a sibling's toy, or jockey for a positions in friend groups. And, as feelings of romantic love come into our lives, it's the big emotion of jealousy than can have a way of creeping deeper into our relationships. If left unche...

Do you struggle with co-dependency? Is there a narcissist in your life whose abusive tactics are eroding your joy, self-confidence, and energy? Unfortunately, issues like these are widespread in today's world, and they affect people of all ages and genders. And given the prevalence of both narcissistic abuse and co-dependency, it's likely that you or someone you know has encountered--or currently...

We often believe that we should naturally have healthy habits that help us be our best selves. We expect ourselves to automatically know how to care for ourselves in ways that will make us look and feel as close to "perfect" as possible. Yet, in real life, most of our habits are learned and formed unconsciously--often early in life as a response to family dynamics and other forces below our radar....

Anxiety can creep into our minds, bodies, and lives in the sneakiest of ways. From chronic bouts of anxious thoughts to full blown panic attacks, anxiety can wreak on our internal and external worlds. And although we often think that we should be able to conquer anxiety just by pushing it away or taking a prescription pill, I've found, as a clinical psychologist, that anxiety tends to get worse--...

Women are often expected to play nice, serve others, and do as they are told with a big smile. And if a woman learns to stand up for herself, she's often described as aggressive, controlling, or worse – simply for stating her opinions or tending to her needs. As a clinical psychologist and woman, I've found that an abundance of societal and cultural factors contributes to the limitation and erosio...

If you're a pet lover, it's natural to want your fur baby to be around forever. Even the thought of losing your animal best friend--a source of constant companionship, unconditional love, and joy--can be tough. And when that end does come, the pain can be truly heart wrenching and even immobilizing. From personal and professional experience, I've found that the loss of a pet--and the grieving proc...

Are you securely attached? Do you generally feel safe, at ease, and emotionally connected in your intimate relationships? If not, there's a good chance that you struggle with issues related to insecure attachment—often known as avoidant, disorganized, and anxious attachment styles. But take heart; if you’re wrestling with attachment issues, trust that it’s not your fault–your attachment style was...

Every daughter wants a loving, close relationship with her mom. Yet, in real life, sometimes the mother-daughter relationship is fabulous, sometimes it's so-so, and sometimes it is downright horrible. And in cases where a mother engages in controlling, narcissistic, or other abusive behaviors, the cost to the daughter can be exceedingly high. The road to recovery--to discovering or reclaiming your...

We often expect love and relationships to be easy--and perfect--but the best of relationships are much like a bountiful garden that needs regular doses of tender loving care. And, like the weeds that can strangle and overtake a healthy garden, issues such as blame, resentment, and chronic conflict can ruin even the most promising relationship. Over time, I've come to see that imperfections are a n...

Do you know what magical action has the power to boost your mood, bolster your immune system, banish stress, lessen pain, and foster connection? If you guessed "laughter," you're on target. Research consistently shows that laughter truly is one of life's best medicines, yet our stress-filled lives tend to leave little space for self-care and the healing power that laughing brings. And especially i...