Hello Dysfunction

It’s our 3 year anniversary week!!  The new iPhone update might have a sneaky new feature. Bad service in a restaurant is really a mood killer and if Crystal wants your recipe she’ll track you down!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s...

Retrograde is bringing them old thangs back, don’t raise our rent. Crystal is a cool mom and also a part time plumber. Trains vs threesomes and Pata Fria booked another surgery.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO...

We’re back together again!  Crystal is a sex queen. Bunny’s becoming a bit of a problem and please always wash your hands!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • Poshmark  The seasons are changing, we’re ready to clean out our closets and grab some new items for fall!  Poshmark is our favorite reseller app on the market. It’s super easy to set up a closet to sell your items for cash and browse thru t...

Keep you head on a swivel, weirdos are out there. Raising sons isn’t always a great time. Pumpkin season is upon us and tiktok is great for life hacks.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly.  If you need to wind down there...

Please note, this is our first episode recorded separately due to covid. Our quality of sound may have been somewhat compromised. A few updates, a few write  ins…everyone be safe and thank you for listening!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELL...

Crystal Barbie wasn’t real, call her Crystal hot tits. Everyone needs to explode sometimes. HSP explains a lot. PeePee is doing much better, Natalia made everyone early valentines. Check the dates on all snacks always.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discoun...

Bunny had her first fight, Crystal ate some bad food, Pata Fria is loving store deliveries and curbside service. When was the last time you ran full speed? Stay your asses off the milk crates and race play kinks are unfortunately a thing.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp...

Happy Birthday Crystal, fussy babies and the first day of school. Don’t eat chocolate in the bed and does anyone know how long plan B lasts?  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Hella Infused  High quality handma...

Crystal got embarrassed at Alpha Beta and has ugly nails. Pata Fria is a lonely girl, but don’t marry your cousin or your child. Starbucks is really slackin so thank god for Orbit Coffee!  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on!   The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added week...

PMS is killing us. Was Crystal actually a southern woman in a past life? America’s eating habits are embarrassing. Don’t wait for the stink.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Hella Infused  High quality handma...

We’re still wearing masks, Pata Fria’s sex drive is on it’s way back and Crystal got her mouth clawed. Don’t poison your family, be passive aggressive or start fires with your gender reveals.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • Hella Infused  High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products.  Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right now Hella Infused is offering a free gift and 20%...

We’re happy to be back, last week was eventful. Art show was a success, Crystal samples drinks before buying and Pata Fria is fixing her Marge. Please practice fire, covid and drug safety. Crystal has a connection to New Orleans and they love making themselves known.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first...

Welcome to the news.  PeePee is small and if you don’t have a medical clearance please make sure you’re at our art show. Pata Fria had a really vivid dream and beware of ticks! Door Dash has been a joke and Crystal’s phone is still x-rated.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • Hella Infused  High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products.  Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right n...

Happy Birthday Frida Kahlo. Leo the cat used one of his lives and vets are kinda like car salesman. The art show is next week so buy your tickets now! PeePee is a true intellectual. Some twins are EXTRA close and Crystal discovered an awful fetish.  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...

Crystal has boob sweat, Pata Fria’s back is broken. Pay attention to signs from the universe, love your friends while they’re here, Pata Fria is planning yet another surgery and Crystal loves 80s mullets.  This week’s tv recommendations are: High On The Hog (Netflix) Outcry (Showtime)  Check out this week’s sponsors!  • Hella Infused  High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products.  Black w...

There’s a cat in the room and it’s Bunny’s birthday!! Crystal had a Reno getaway, Pata Fria’s had a busy busy week. DNA testing, c-sections are serious, Crystal loves the Tootsie Roll.  This week’s tv recommendations are: • 7 Deadly Sins (Showtime)  • The Accused (Hulu) Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first...

This week we tried something new and linked with the Judge Us Not podcast for some male perspective! We hope you enjoy!  Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO The number for covid testing and vaccine appts in your area...

Pray we aren’t getting sick, keep an eye on creepy teachers, technology is really changing lives. There’s now a huge free resource for sex workers, don’t defend your children’s wrongdoings. A genital anomaly, let’s all educate ourselves on gender and sexuality.  This week’s tv recommendation is:  • Gender Revolution: A Journey w Katie Couric (Disney +)  Check out this week’s sponsor! • HB Crystals...

Crystal has dry socket, Pata Fria doesn’t have new brows but she does have new bras. Hackers are active on IG and we’re just constantly reminded how awful humans are. Don’t lie to AAA and don’t be afraid to ask where someone got their butt done.  Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to bett...

Crystal is a registered foster dog mom, Pata Fria had a really nice bday. Nothing ever goes smooth so just laugh.  This week’s tv recommendations are:  • Ultimate Warrior documentary (A&E) • The State of Texas vs Melissa (Hulu)  Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and...

Gemini season is upon us, don’t be outside with a dookie stain, urine therapy is not real and pregnancy fetish is pretty popular. Piercing is much worse the second time around, Crystal is still expanding her vocabulary and the human body is amazing.  This week’s tv recommendations are: • Hoarders (Netflix)  • Unhinged (Amazon) Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is of...

Happy Mother’s Day, warm weather is upon us, Pata Fria is being responsible. Everybody doesn’t need kids, go thru your family’s texts, Crystal loves vibrating beds.  The number for covid testing and vaccine appts in your area:  1-888-634-1123 Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction   Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction   Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmai...

A day late and a dollar short. Crystal is missing her foster puppy and Pata Fria had a rollercoaster of a week. Beware of ticks, scabies and Californians may have an accent.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO The...

Crystal has vertigo and a close relationship with AAA. Covid is still here, Rest In Peace CY. Pata Fria is liking her meds but being around people is still rough. Noise bothers you more when you get older, be careful with life coaches.  This week’s tv recommendations are: • Insecure (HBO)  • I Care A Lot (Netflix) again lol  • The Family I Had (Amazon)  • Exterminate All The Brutes (HBO) Check out...

We had some technical difficulties recording this episode, bear with us. Pata Fria is planning another surgery, Crystal had a run in with the cops. Bra shopping isn’t a good time and don’t hoard your Meals On Wheels containers!  This weeks tv recommendations are: • 2020 (Hulu) The Chameleon and Tangled Web episodes • Them (Amazon prime) • The Lie (Amazon prime)  Check out this week’s sponsor!  • B...