Blood Suckers

We finished watching  Family Blood and in a dramatic turn of events it ended up being just as terrible as we predicted! But we stuck it out and trashed it thoroughly. #blessed We Also Learned The Tisch Fucking School of Fucking Fine Arts can't save you from a bad script Sad Time Shower Reflection Time is for being sad, washing off blood, and reflecting Raw wood will chafe so if you're go...

We watched Castlvania Season 1 and learned that women don't exist and neither does the color blue or calm male energy in Walla-cha-cha-chia! We Also Learned If SM had fun being mad at it, it counts as liking it even if she hated it. Just so we're clear. You like this series but this series didn't like you #micdrop Rotten Potatoes is a thing we're making if no one has made it ye...

We watched Blood Red Sky (2021) and learned that we have nothing to fear but fear itself and also that we might be a vampire monster on a cross atlantic overnight flight that gets hijacked.  We Also Learned Insert ____ on a Plane for hijinks and hijackers!  It's all gonna come out in therapy later The cowl necked hijacker really just loves fashion Support the show THE GRAM     -  SUPPORT    -...

We watched Thirst (2009) and learned that KC hates things that are awesome.  #micdrop We Also Learned He can't have sex with her if he can't float! It's the floating defense.  Blahcorder is a fun gross new musical instrument. Ask us how! Father Priest Father is the proper title Geena Davis's most excellent foundation Support the show THE GRAM     -  SUPPORT    -    LINKS     - ...

We watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer the Movie (1992) and loved it but also someone was very very mad and it might have been the vampire cramps or the real cramps. Who can tell?  We Also Learned SM doesn't know what sci fi is. KC once again, has the eternal patience of a Saint for the whole episode.  Menstrual cramps are silently bourne. If she says "UGH" take her to the hospital.  S...

We watched Fascination (1979) and it turns out, it's porn. Jean Rollin the porny porntastic porn director tricked us again ya'll! We Also Learned Not to trust the criterion channels curated list of "vampire films" Open palmed rubbing is not erotic unless your kink is frusteration KC hates the pink caftan and if you give it to her she will scythe you Tit-ahzaling happens on the...

We watched Once Bitten (1985) and we clock our longest and most distracted intro yet!  We Also Learned KC only *thinks* she watched tv as a child. SM is beginning to think she's a replicant. Jane Asher's Fancy Dress Costume Book is the definitive book of costumes Gratitude is the venereal disease of spirituality.  Support the show THE GRAM     -  SUPPORT    -    LINKS     -    SUBSCRIBE...

We watched Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary (2002) and learned a lot about how not to make a ballet film crossed with a 1920's film and also that no one gets dracula like we get dracula. Gaw. We talk about death and grief, as SM's dad is on his journey out of this mortal coil. KC's cries. It's a beautiful ep.  We Also Learned Where does dracula go in your underpants? S...

We watched A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night from 2014. Did you know black and white film is an artform? KC didn't, doesn't refuses to in the future. SM retaliates by refusing to tell you the synopsis of this incredible persian delight and everyone had a good new yearses.  We Also Learned That you can send us tit pics but you better keep your peens to yourself KC loves a hot neck tattoo T...

We watched Blood Relatives (2022) and really didn't bother to discuss the film. All you need to know is that it was really cute and by cute we mean stupid.  We Also Learned FUCKING WAGNER UGH Vampires are frosting and they're delicious Great News! Life is a construct. Support the show THE GRAM     -  SUPPORT    -    LINKS     -    SUBSCRIBE Please leave a review, like, subscribe, comment...

We watched Children of the Night (2015) and were delighted by how surprised we were that we wanted to keep watching this weird Argentinian children's theater fest. Seriously. It's wild and delightful.  We Also Learned An insane amount of bleach must have been used Homopheliacs can't stop won't stop the confetti Sir Fluff is the star. Sir Fluff saved the day, or night really Do...

We watched Son of Dracula (1974) and it was "coocoo bananas" to put it mildly. I mean, what is acting? Who is an actor? What does Nillson DO in this film and how did the man who put the lime in the coconut break us? Who are WE even? Is this the end of Blood Suckers again? If you're in a film and you're supposed to be an actor but you're not acting ARE you an actor?  We Als...

We watched Daybreakers (2009) with too many blue filtered unhappily frumps. You're a vampire! ENJOY SOMETHING DAMNIT. This very special episode of Bloodsuckers brought to you by goals, acceptance, and smoking.  We Also Learned If the world is mostly vampires, and you need blood from a human, just ASK. Ten years in the future, we'll be 50 years in the future.  If you have to smoke, be a v...

We watched Lips of Blood (1975) and will proceed to give you a play by play of all the naked weird transitions of walking and being naked. It sounds simple but it's like a weird sexy french labyrinth all up in this plot!  We Also Learned Jackets on Straight Jackets on Jackets! About a lot of naked ladies How to Model: Confidence! Standing There! Changing your face!  Support the show THE GRAM...

We watched The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) and if you listen close you can hear KC die a little out of boredom everytime SM say's "in the book tho…"  We Also Learned House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is KC's least favorite idea of a book The most upsetting thing for KC? Pizza that's been treated without respect  We highly recommend the menstrual disc until we don&a...

We watched Beautiful Vampire  (2018) and were entranced by the descriptive visual subtitles, the mysteriously nosy landlord and the gallons of sunscreen elegantly thrown around like glitter. Give us a sunhat and a velvet dress and a smash cut edit style any night!  We Also Learned KC doesn't have recurring dreams.  This is not the Talk Dirty to Me Pod! If Amelie and Twilight had a baby it wou...

We watched The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967) and had special guest Stephanie from our sister pod Talk Dirty to Me to answer our many many questions about snow and vampires and cabbage! We Also Learned How to NOT set up the audio inputs correctly. (Again, sorry KC and the Suckers) KC didn't know anything about the very sad death of Sharon Tate Stephanie loves a good "standing on your sh...

We watched Black As Night (2021) and are so so glad we aren't vampires in this world. Oooooft.  It was complicated ya'll. Complicated bad. Not complicated good. Which is tragic because Black As Night had some very cool stuff in it. Somewhere.  We Also Learned When in need of medical advice, ask an opera singer KC does not like to think about drinking cows blood, but the Masai tribe are c...

We watched 1993's Cronos and were so underwhelmed that we found ourselves being delighted by a hot grandpa and a wacky undertaker and a bug. It was confusing.  We Also Learned: KC can read! We think… If you don't have a bruise on your butt SM doesn't want to see your butt WE WON! GO 'STROS! Support the show THE GRAM     -  SUPPORT    -    LINKS     -    SUBSCRIBE Please leave a...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN SUCKERS! For this very spooky and wonderful holiday we watched Bram Stoker's William Shakespeare's Francis Ford Coppola's Baz Luhrmann's Oprah Winfrey's Enya's Dracula and it was indeed, Tits Out Ridiculous.  We Also Learned That we absolutely cannot be trusted with new microphones and our executive producer Travis is to blame. EEE!!! Unsinkable Podcas...

We watched I Like Bats! (1986) and learned nothing that made any sense about anything and also our brains are broken. Polish film people. We love you.  We Also Learned This has "The Best Sex Scene I've Ever Seen In My Whole Life" - KC THUTT is the thigh to butt area The the Polish will never explain themselves and that is a special kind of wack-a-do magic Just Rub Some D On It! IT&a...

We watched The Vampire Doll (1970) and learned that having "dracula" in the title does not a vampire movie make. HOW?! We Also Learned No one had pajamas!!! Where do the voicemails and telegrams for all the dead children go? Terrified? Weird Sex? Just a dog? This film had a lot of noises. Just cause your bloodthirsty doesn't mean you're a vampire!!! Support the show THE GRAM  ...

We watched What We Do in the Shadows (the 2014 film) and found out that we have 125 HOURS OF FOOTAGE to go find on the dark web. The shadow web? Whatever it is we're doing it in there and watching it hard.  We Also Learned KC doesn’t care that it breaks all the narrative rules!!! KC says this is "Everybody's' favorite vampire movie" KC is definitely an Aailiyah type (other...

We watched Let the Right One In (2008) and had a very large debate, with a TayLord in the back to laugh at us the whole time.  We Also Learned Eli is a trans and/or gender neutral icon AND WE'RE OBSESSED KC hates hates hates hates hates cold weather Puss Puss is the Swedish way to say Kiss Kiss, which is why we like saying Kissy so much.  Follow us on the gram: https://www.instagram.com/blood...

This week we watched a movie in the theater! We invited ourselves to The Invitation (2022) and were NOT disappointed by that delicious Big D Energy. His 12 shades of gaslighting, hubris,  and monstrous grey were GORGEOUS. Swooooon.   We Also Learned To let our vagina's do the talking A pottery studio built on lies and blood and creepiness The Dracula is your butt  It's actually "Rid...