Abject Suffering

We are on the verge of a dark future where the best of men know that their satisfaction can only be guaranteed if they take it into their own hands. But the powers that be are dead set on denying humanity their purpose. Across sweeping fields of sorghum, the grim world of Crick 2000 has become a reality. And we must escape.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new nadir. Though we often traffic in bizarre oddities and inscrutable ventures, The Crow: City of Angels is a failure on every level.

Cloudy with a chance of eye storms.

And lo, the Lord sayeth, render a game unto my people based upon Z-List Bible characters. And it was not good.

Countdown to when Iron Man bursts through my apartment wall to issue a cease and desist. Then the Goof Troop will haul me off to the big mouse.

On this occasion, Abject Suffering finally comes into its own, transforming into what we always knew it would be: The Egg Cast. Thank you for ushering in this apotheosis, Dizzy.

Discussion of Air Fortress, a serviceable yet boring shoot 'em up / jump 'em up, quickly turns to erotic fan fiction about the robot from Lost in Space, the curse of penis-shaped food, and powdered peanut butter.

It's time for a slightly more straight-laced Abject Suffering as we are joined by Bob Mackey (of the Retronauts) to discuss Spy vs. Spy, MAD Magazine, and the role of satire in society. Also: Fan Fiction Rap Battles. Special Guest: Bob Mackey.

In this week's edition of Oversharing, we dedicate a good half of a podcast to discussing the strangest meats we've ever eaten. Special Guest: Zack Johnson.

Where do mimes come from? How do you undertake to make fun of a clown so that he really stays made fun of? Jenni from Video Games Taco (@lycrashampoo) joins us to find out. Stalin vs. Martians was only available for purchase for a few months in 2009. It was released with all the fanfare inherent in its ridiculous premise, and then pulled from the market when its terrible strategy gameplay was ridi...

It was the year 2170 and Detective Jack Cyber looked out his window at the fossil fuel burning cars on the street below. Teeming throngs of citizens on roller blades frequented the payphones below. Jack's pager buzzed insistently on his desk, right as a beautiful dame walked through his office's door, past the pneumatic tube document carrier. "There's a techno dragon on the loose, Jack, and you'll...

You come crash into me, and I come into you in a dummy's dream. In a dummy's dream.

It's a Darkman's party, who could ask for more?

Kweh.

Robopond hungers. Robopond tires of the tubes making a mockery of his efforts. Robopond will make waves. Robopond will devour all. Robopond is hate.

There's only two ways this can go.

Two universal rules: Every dad will talk about Platoon, and never make eye contact with Kremlo.

Sometimes we get static over how little we talk about video games on this show. We fix that this week. We found a game so bad that it broke the show: Bubsy 3D.

It's all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn't have been like this. Not like this. These aren't the aliens we were told to expect.

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Something written for information should be to the point and not too cute. This is an episode of the Abject Suffering program about the NES game Kick Master.

"Circus Charlie" isn't the preferred nomenclature anymore, dude.

So little in this life can be regained once it is lost. Hair that is cut off grows back. Sometimes Deborah will realize she's wrong and leave Reginald, returning to your waiting arms. If you cough up any baseball-sized shanks of sea shell throat meat, you must do your best to return it to its proper place. For Christ sake.

"Let's roll with it." "Throw it in." "Fuck it." These are words that cowards are afraid to say. We here at Abject Suffering are far from cowards. No, we don't just admit our mistakes, we lean INTO them.

For Sale: Single Chalice, gold. Wands, scepters, gems and scimitars optional, will talk. No negotiation, cash only. I'm on to your games. I've been down this road before. Bow before the zodiac puzzlemaster.