When you've been stuck in an attic, are literally yellow, and forced to be your mom's sperm donor for your whole life, you're probably going to have some issues. So pick up your pokey objects and take some eyeballs out in the name of Santa! The problem here is that this film, while somewhat entertaining, is just too generic and blasé. It's a slasher with fairly little imagination. When you come in...

Jingle jingle and egg nog hangover ahoy! It's that magical time for awful crappy holiday movies and Jackie's dialed up a slasher with a special Xmas message; don't ever remake a classic film with a bunch of day-player bimbos. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Nine Deaths of the Ninja -  Mill Creek - B-Movie Blast 50 Pack Hundra - Amazon / Epix Missing in Action - YouTube / TubiTV The Wild Card - Good...

Two A-Listers make us question their entire career in what appears to be a metaphorical hang-down contest of who is the tougher guy that gets weekly manicures and follicle treatments. It's Costner vs Russell in full Elvis tradition....the tradition of dying on a toilet. 3000 Miles to Graceland is one of the most inaccurate titles ever. See this map:  http://obeattie.github.io/gmaps-radius/?la...

Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more. Casual Do's and Don'ts Murder Weapon (1989) Future Hunters - Part of the Mill Creek Sci-Fi Invasion Pack The Wild Card - Who Would Win...

While we're too late for Thanksgiving, it's never too late for a movie about an ancient Native American curse that manifests itself in the form of a very dirty mouthed killer turkey. When you have 0 money and you accomplish what was done here gives us a tip of our hats but a wag of the finger too. ThanksKilling deserves to be congratulated. It's a better film in all standpoints than the majority o...

Whether we're late on our Thanksgiving episode or not, we're still going to enjoy a delightful little film about a killer turkey enacting revenge upon all white people for the horrors put upon the Native Americans. Sounds plausible... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Judge Dredd - Netflix Hard Target 2 - Netflix Santo vs las Mujeres Vampiro - ( Samson vs the Vampire Women ) MST3K , YouTube The Wild Card...

If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life. This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less g...

Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Golden Child - Starz The Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - Netflix Dirty Grandpa - EPIX Wild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight? Kevin Bacon vs...

Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers. Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious....

A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Serpent's Lair - Amazon Prime The Howling VI - Amazon Prime Nightmare on Elm Street...

This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it. Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor...

In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family. Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, L...

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one. Let's get right out there and say that Order of the Black Eagle and Unmasking the Idol are two of the funnest films we've had the pleasure of discussin...

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands. Movies Discussed Shin Gojira A Tribute to Hastings, Your Entertainment Superstore Jackie shares tales of working there, Sam tells us about a little known side...

Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo! The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind...

Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward as  Condorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Death Wish II - EPIX Death Wish III - TUBITV Troll - EPIX and Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Emo-Man - You gain power...

Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from  American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep. In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their unders...

It's time to finish off our Ninja-threepeat with a follow up to our  American Ninja  episode in which Michael Dudikoff dons the role of Pvt. Joe Armstrong, teams up with Curtis Jackson and fights hordes and hordes of random ninja. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Wave - Netflix Knock Knock - Amazon Prime Malibu Beach - Amazon Prime Wild Card - Who'd win in a Knife Fight? Hillary Clinton vs...

Worth Keeter's first Duncan Jax film is one of the film-world's must undiscovered gems. It's a glorious romp of all things awesome. If you like any fun film ever, then  Unmasking the Idol is right up you're alley. It's banana's in the best manner. Somehow  Unmasking the Idol  has gone under the radar since its debut 30 years ago. Only 88 user ratings exist on IMDB  (including t...

A little known film from 1986 that features untold amounts of ninjas, treasure, espionage, ninjas, 3-wheeler's, a baboon, a bad-ass Ford Ranger, and so many balloons comes to the show. This is one movie you won't want to miss. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The 5th Wave - Starz London Has Fallen - Netflix The Wild Card - Who Wins in a Knife Fight Boon (Unmasking the Idol) vs. Clyde (Every Which Way But...

A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8! Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad....

This episode of the famed SM show, we put on our best disguises, pull out our tree-climbing ropes, and get ready to assassinate one of Cannon's most ridiculous films brought to the big screen. Like a ninja this film is disguised as a ninja film but it's 100% banana business. Plus the whole thing is free on YouTube! Thanks Paramount Vault! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Jaws - Netflix Jaws II - Netflix...

In 2001, Mariah Carey decided to wreck thousands of lives and destroy Sam's affection for her visual appearance, primarily her face. While "glitter   can't overpower the artist"  Glitter can't even overpower it's own idiocy, racism, and sexism. What?  Glitter  is a period-piece? This takes place in 1983? WTF? Why on Earth does it take place in 1983? The clothes, the cars, the m...

It's time for Jackie to choose another Razzie winning and highly nominated "musical". In 2001, men in ties decided to crap in our ears and eyes as the allow Mariah Carey to create her own movie about her career (sorta). Get ready for gluch.... Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Curse of Sleeping Beauty - Netflix Justin's Top 5 80's Action Guys! 5. Kurt Russell - Escape from LA, The Thing, Big Trouble,...

Chuck Norris, Louis Gosset Jr, and Melody Anderson go on a wild ride through various adventures on the way to get treasure. Along the way the face alligators, sinking cars, rebels, gang-rape village, the Mexican Gestapo, their own visual appearance, and elaborate aboriginal death traps. Sounds ridiculous? It is indeed. Firewalker is Golan and Globus' take on the very popular and quite good, ...