Married to Addiction

Way back in Episode 4 we talked about some critical mindset shifts for the wife of an alcoholic, and that has since become my most listened to episode ever.  That being the case I knew it must've resonated with many of my listeners, so I wanted to do a follow up episode. In this episode I will share with you five MORE critical mindset shifts for the wife of an alcoholic.  These are all things...

Dark. It was so dark.  I was constantly bound by feelings of oppression. And that's exactly how the enemy wanted it. I now know that there is another way. In this episode we'll talk about getting out from under living in dark places, EVEN IF we are going through really hard things. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the weight of it all, then I really hope you give this episode a listen.  _...

In this episode I chat with Amy LaRue from Finding Hope.  Amy is a fellow wife of an alcoholic with a story to share that sounds like many of our own: a story of confusion, fear, and isolation. But her story didn't end there.  She is now the Coordinator for Finding Hope, an organization that supports families of addicted loved ones, and she has such a beautiful testimony to share of how God us...

Do you feel like you're not getting your needs met because your husband is addicted? I already know the answer to that, because it is probably the same as mine was. When you're the wife of an alcoholic it often feels like you're hanging by a thread. And NO, you don't feel like ANY of your needs are being met. In fact you usually just drag through your days feeling hollow and empty....

In the last episode we talked about understanding addiction as a disease, and how that can lead us to empathy. In this episode we will talk about how to not let empathy lead you into enabling. This can be a tricky line sometimes. So how do we effectively stay on the mercy side of the line without drifting over into the enabling side? Tune in to hear the one important thing you can do that will mak...

I think one of the hardest things for wives of alcoholics is that we just don't understand our husband's addiction, which makes it that much harder to handle it. How much of it is a choice, and how much of it is something they truly are powerless over? In this episode we will discuss addiction as a disease.  You'll get some insight into what is actually happening to our addicted husban...

This is a loaded subject, because reaction to this from wives of alcoholics usually runs the gamut from 'I HATE alcohol and would never touch it!' to 'Why should I have to change MY drinking habits because HE has a drinking problem?' So today we're going to dive into this head-on. I'll share a few things I think are important to consider when making this decision for yourse...

When we marry our husbands we usually don't have any indication that we will be married to an alcoholic. And if we do, we usually don't think it's 'that bad'. But one of the main problems with alcoholism is that it is a progressive disease, meaning that it gets worse over time. Unfortunately that is also what happens to most alcoholic relationships as well. In this episode we w...

You've probably heard the phrase 'One day at a time' as it relates to an alcoholic's recovery. But what does it mean for us? In this episode we'll talk about how that concept is different for the wife of an alcoholic, but just as important. If you frequently find yourself in the midst of fear, anxiety, and overwhelm then you need to give this one a listen. _____________________...

If you're anything like I was when my husband was deep in addiction you may find yourself listening to this podcast and shaking your head a lot. To be honest, I'm not even sure I would have liked this podcast back then, because I thought that a lot of the 'advice' I heard for wives of alcoholics was ridiculous. But I didn't know then what I know now. So if you have found yourse...

"I've GOT to make this stop!" This is one of our first reactions when our husband's drinking starts to spiral out of control. We would do anything and everything to get him to stop, and to get our lives back to normal. So that's exactly what we do. We try to control anything and everything around his drinking. Problem is that it is all an illusion. It is not going to fix it....

My husband and I just celebrated our 13th anniversary. And sometimes I can still hardly believe that we are here. Things haven't just been bad for us in the past, they have been absolutely nightmarish. In this episode I will share some of the most difficult parts of our journey through addiction, and also give you the dose of encouragement and hope that I so desperately needed back then. Thank...

Are you codependent?  Do you even feel like you know what that means? I wasn't sure I did for the longest time, and then once I started grasping the concept I thought 'That's not me. I'm just trying to help.' I know now how wrong that statement was.  In this episode we will talk about what codependency is, how it hurts your husband and his recovery, and how it hurts YOU. Please...

This might be THE biggest question that wives of alcoholics have: Should I stay, or should I go? Everyone's situation is different, and I will never tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. But in this episode I wanted to give you some things that I think should at least be considered in a situation like this.  I hope it helps shed some light.   _______________________________________...

I will never forget the first time I heard 'renewal of the mind' actually explained.  I had heard about the concept before, but I didn't really understand what it was, much less how to do it.  Once I was enlightened I remember thinking 'Wait! We can actually DO that??' Then I started practicing it and it changed my life.  Not kidding. That's why it's the very first thin...

You wish things could go back to the way they were.  This was not the relationship you wanted.  This was not the relationship you thought you were getting. At it's most fundamental level it's loss, and it's okay to grieve that loss. But in this episode we'll also talk about the second part of that. The 'what to do next' part. Because it's okay to grieve your relationshi...

Have you experienced this? You say you want to go to an Alanon meeting, or join the Secret Sisters Circle, or get counseling, or whatever else to help you deal with your husband's alcoholism and he gets mad. He tells you that it won't help you, or that they're just going to 'fill your head with lies', or that he feels like you're going behind his back, etc etc. It basically...

Sometimes I think it's even harder to be the wife of an alcoholic when you're a Christian. Why? Because we're not 'supposed to' have problems like this, right?  At least that's the perception, both outside and even inside the church. This just adds to our already overwhelming shame, guilt, confusion, and isolation. In this episode we will talk about the stigma around Christ...

We don't even know it's happening. We're just trying to survive the day-to-day. We move through the weeks....months....years....and don't realize how much we're changing because of what we've been through.  Wives of alcoholics experience trauma. That trauma creates a near-constant state of apprehension, and keeps us in high alert mode. It is really difficult to live like th...

I am super excited to share this conversation with you all, because it is SO IMPORTANT. In this episode I am talking to Dawn Ward of The Faith to Flourish and Christian Moms of Addicted Children. Dawn and I are of like mind when it comes to treating addiction: One size does not fit all. That's because there are actually three different layers to addiction, but for some reason this is rarely ta...

Looking back on my journey with my husband through his years of active addiction I can see SO many things that I did do that I shouldn't have, and SO many things that I didn't do that I should have. Today I will share with you the five things that I most wish I would have done differently. Sometimes we just can't see things objectively when we are in the middle of them.  I had a friend...

When my husband was struggling with alcohol addiction it used to frustrate me SO MUCH to hear 'There's really nothing you can do.'. I used to wonder how in the world I was going to survive such a difficult situation for an undetermined amount of time. So today I want to give you hope. I want to show you that there actually are some things you can do to help your husband, yourself, and...

Well, this was the first time I've ever cried on the podcast....but it probably won't be the last. In this episode we will talk about the stages of recovery.  I'll let this episode speak for itself, but suffice it to say that if you only listen to ONE of my podcast episodes this should be the one. (Just in case you didn't have a chance to jot down my email address during the episod...

I used to think that detachment sounded cold and uncaring.  How could I possibly detach from my husband right now?? And why would I want to at a time when he needs me the most? I didn't realize that detachment wasn't about that at all. In fact, it was one of the best things I could do....for both of us. In this episode we'll talk about what detachment really means, how to do it in a he...

All of us have heard of 'self-care', but self care looks very different for the wife of an alcoholic. Manicures, bubble baths, and all the rest do little to nothing for us, because we are just trying to SURVIVE. In this episode we will talk about what self care should look like if we have an alcoholic husband. I'll outline the three things that I consider to be THE most important thing...