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In this episode we discuss a game where you play as a magical transforming ball and his Hamburger Helper companion. Your mission is to collect musical notes using the least intuitive control scheme possible, defeat the Dorito Wizard who threw you into acid, and uncover the secret to why this era of platformers fell short of its goals.

Buckle up, kids, because we're about to go on the oiliest, most musclebound, most smoke-machine laden ride of your lives. That's right: the American Gladiators are here to Eliminate your expectations of what an episode of Exquisite Suffering should be. One part coverage of the NES American Gladiators game, one part "Let's Watch" of an infamous special episode of the American Gladiators television...

Somehow we ended up playing a pretty good game! The most interesting thing about Whomp'em is its botched localization... because western audiences weren't ready for Dragon Ball yet. So, stick around for that, and two midwesterners trying to talk about their history with Native American culture without offending anyone.

Another entry in our "Classics of Bad Games" chronicles, we look at the infamous Night Trap. But it turns out that it actually has a lot of good ideas hindered by a laughable execution. Listen in for Night Trap's goofiness, and stick around for Nick at Night remembrances.

Proving that Ursula K. LeGuin's Lathe of Heaven is nonfiction, Gary's sheer desire for skeleton warriors to be real has birthed *Skeleton Warriors* into existence. This episode is mostly about the television series of the same name, and Kole is having NONE of it.

The second premium episode of Abject Suffering features a game whose very existence is more interesting than the game itself. Discussion of a misguided FPS quickly turns into grim contemplation about what fame and renown will do to someone who isn't ready for it.

Our first episode of the premium show "Exquisite Suffering" covers various versions of the video game adaptation of "The Last Action Hero", a crazily metatextual action movie from the early nineties. Also covered: How weird masturbation has become.

It was supposed to be a massive achievement in filmmaking. The premier video game studio had set its sights on making a CGI movie that would trick you into thinking you were looking at actual people. But that wasn't the right thing to chase. Despite its star studded cast, we found very little to love in this movie that's both a bad story and a bad adaptation. Come listen to how this fell apart, an...

This is the big one... 1993's Super Mario Bros. was the first video game movie, and it certainly set a... tone ... for the quality of things to come. It's almost universally reviled, and it's been talked to death by people a lot smarter than us. However, revisiting this movie directed by monsters has revealed something surprising: While it's a horrible adaptation, it's really fun to watch . The ca...

Recorded to coincide with our coverage of the original Tomb Raider game on Watch Out for Fireballs!, this episode covers perhaps the best adaptation we've seen yet. That's right, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, the Angelina Jolie movie from 2001, is worth watching. Of course it's brainless. The action is dumb, and the way it's choreographed and shot reeks of "The Matrix just came out". The accents are al...

It had to happen eventually: we'd have to cover an Uwe Boll movie. It's probable that you've read a lot of breakdowns of Boll's ineptitude, but nothing beats getting a first hand taste. This is one of the worst movies we've ever seen. Alone in the Dark is about as successful as an adaptation as it is as a film... not at all. You have a main character who dresses like Edward Carnby, and some supern...

Did you know that Maniac Mansion was adapted into a television show in 1990? Did you know Eugene Levy was in charge of it? Did you know that Gary and Kole are actually pretty into the show, by and large? All these questions and more may or may not be answered. The commonalities between the Maniac Mansion TV show and its source material are scant and superficial. In that way, it's a very poor adapt...

The Pokémon anime from the '90s is rightfully beloved. It was a colorful and entertaining look at this magical world chock full of monsters just waiting to be your friend. We're not talking about that show. Instead, we're talking about the soulless and bafflingly-paced miniseries that was originally released alongside Pokémon X and Y. Listen to hear us talk about how Origins jettisons the humor an...

The secret was friendship. The secret was always friendship, but we just forgot... over and over again... in this premium show dedicated to bad adaptations of video games. Or bad movie sequels to video games, like the 2005 movie "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children". A good sequel has similar requirements to a good adaptation: It must honor the source material. While Advent Children takes us back t...

Get your asses to Mars in this second episode of our premium show dedicated to bad adaptations of videos games. It's all about the 2005 movie "Doom". We really didn't intend to do another Resident Evil movie, but here we are. Take Doom, remove all of the action, and take away Hell. Add in ridiculous non-science about extra chromosomes encoding the human soul, and you have just another zombie movie...

This inaugural episode of our premium show dedicated to bad adaptations of video games is all about the 2002 Paul W.S. Anderson movie "Resident Evil." Gary and Kole go in-depth on how Resident Evil fails as an action movie AND as a Resident Evil adaptation, hitting it hard for being an incoherent and insulting mess.

Recorded LIVE at the Portland Retro Gaming Expo 2013!

A lot of people requested JJ and Jeff for Abject Suffering, so we decided to record a very special episode of Abject Suffering in person during the Portland Retro Gaming Expo of 2013. Listen in horror as we admit to actually kind of LIKING this reviled, strange game. This was originally a backers-only gift for our 2013 Kickstarter campaign.

Nick and Brayton take on two charming darlins. A real coupla Stumptown Dumplins, these.

This week Gary and Jeremy tackle the world's most intense orgasm, otherwise known as the Dark Phoenix Saga. The show spent four episodes covering this, and is surprisingly accurate to the comic books. This podcast is part one, in which we cover the first two episodes: Dazzled and The Inner Circle. Content warning: this one....this one goes some places.

Kole, Ben, Dennis, and Jala talk about the SNES Classic Edition, Clandestine, and we ask you about your favorite character customization in games. The Brief: SNES Classic Edition was announced. Rockstar tells TakeTwo to stop Sega Forever brings free* Sega games to mobile phones. Steam Sale happens. The Multiplayer: What game has your favorite character progression? The Grind: Dennis: Danganronpa 2...

This year's Beholderfest ends with a discussion of Beholder toys and homes.

Milord Wizard answers all of our most pressing questions about Beholders.

Gary Butterfield and Kole Ross chase their orbs into the world of Nox. It was marketed as EA's answer to Diablo, but it's categorically different. It introduces itself as a goofy and irreverent take on fantasy fiction, but then it plays it straight. After all of the feints, what you end up with is a profoundly strange action RPG. Big thanks to Garrett for executive producing this episode! Support...

Check out this all time classic , then party with the Dirtboys in Inglewood (Inglewood, Illinois).